A question of faith
I wonder if faith is limited to just one person, or if the whole bunch involved needs to have faith, in order for it to be able to work?
From the bible's way of dealing with it, I believe that faith is necessary to enable God to do miracles for us. Our unbelief is a block that Love won't force open.
So, I wonder~ can the Unbelief of one knock out the power of another's Faith, in God's eyes? Or can even one faith give a miracle a clear path?
I wonder, can the faith of one in a crowd of unbelievers have the pull to bring on the miracle they pray for?
God alone knows.
Wonderin'
I wonder this because I really did have faith that Randy would be healed~ physically healed, because I felt that there would be time enough for him to find spiritual healing in his life.
And I hate to say it, but a dead husband that is spiritually whole is just not much good to a new wife~ she would far rather~ I would far rather have had him alive and healthy, and slowly maturing and healing in his spirit.
Sure, he was a pain in the neck when it came to analyzing everything out the wazoo, he was way overboard on that~ but I loved him as he was. I wanted him alive.
Others around me had faltering faith~ after all, it was easy to fear the outcome of such a terminal disease. I saw that some came to the praying with great fear and doubt.
This was the big deal, after all. Life or death, literally.
I saw their doubts, and I couldn't abide it. I was strong, and it freaked me out when others only feared and doubted.
I wonder, would Randy have lived if there had been complete faith in his cure?
Could it have been done differently, better?
Would he have lived if my own faith had been somehow stronger?
These are the questions I wonder. Now that the sting of losing him is gone, I wonder with all mildness if I could've somehow done more~ a very human questioning of my very human strength, without the sting of self-hatred or self-criticism digging deep.
I feel in my bones that I did the best I could~ even better than I could've done, actually, because God was definitely helping me on it~ I'm sure of that!
This in fact was the garden of my faith. This is where it grew and became strong.
The unknown elements
But I see that these questions are not ones that can be answered by human voices. I don't believe people know enough about faith to actually have a clue, when it comes to questions like these. Some questions are too big to be answered by anyone but God, and no human can give you the answer to them.
It has to be placed in you, Heart-to-heart, by the lustrous, all-knowing God, or it just won't wash. Humans have no authority or validity, when it comes to this sort of thing. In general, we lack the ring of truth, when it comes to these bigger, mysterious questions.
I myself believe that when we trust others to give us answers that only God should give, we're treading risky waters.
That's why a willing heart open and submissive only to God is essential for solid spiritual growth. Noone can tell your heart something so well as God, the Maker and Knower of that entire heart~ the God Who knows what's going on in Creation, with all its mysteries!
Serene perplexity
So, I sit quiet with my questions. They have been with me for years, losing their toxic sap as I go along.
I don't believe it would've been possible to have more faith than I had. Yet, I'm totally open to the suggestion from God that my faith in such miracles could be strengthened, because Heaven knows I can be just as weak from fear as the next one, when faced with big, scary things!
However, the other parts of the question can wait. I can wait patiently for their answers from the mouth of God.
Maybe I'll never get the answer while I live~ maybe not even get it when I'm in That Next Place, but, dear, I just don't seem to care!
It ain't that important.
If it were, or if it becomes important, I feel that God will tell me the answer, then.
Until then, I'll do what I can do~ extend a grace towards all who doubt, who are plagued with weak faith~ including myself, when that happens.
Fierce
(I've seen some get downright cocky about their answered prayer, as in: "yeah, I just told God straight out that I wasn't done, He was going to have to heal me and let me live, I've got work to do! And so, I was healed! He knows I've got important stuff to do! He's just going to have to wait!"
Such people make me want to glare at them until they shut up and melt like wax in the sun's rays.)
I myself being a novice in the game of Faith and all its boundaries and rules and ways, I can attest that I might be wrong about the limits and boundaries and shape of faith.
It's happened before, that I was wrong, and I'll be wrong again!
So, it's my job to remember in all humility that I could be waaay off base; and that being the case, I need to extend grace, and respect the beliefs of others as best I can, even while disagreeing with them (I refuse, however, to respect cockiness towards God in someone). I'll try to be a gracious person, since God has shown graciousness towards me.
I'll continue keeping this question lifted to God....
31 July 2007
30 July 2007
Serene Sunday
Yesterday was a fine day where I live~ the weather was good, and the house was cool inside. There has been rain enough, recently, so my garden was happy.
More to the point of my pleasure, I've started using a little turquoise bead bracelet to keep myself focused on my prayers, and it's been an enriching thing. So enriching, I find myself keeping the bracelet out on my bedstand where I can look at it and grab it easily. I kept holding it in my hand, or putting it on my wrist. I didn't want the day to end!
The benefits I've received through using it as a tool have been a blessing I can't stop savoring!
When my mind begins to wander during prayer, I sense the little bead and bracelet in my hands, and immediately recall where I was and what I was doing, in my prayer. My attention is brought back to the full presence of God, I don't lose my way.
It's a very handy tool, and my time with God was sweet, because of that continually reinforced focus.
Hallmark
Also, I watched "Naomi's New Morning" for the first time, yesterday. It's on the Hallmark channel here in America, which I get on my satellite tv, and I've been meaning to take a peek at it, but you know I'm not a big one for much TV viewing.
TV tries to make me feel Less Than, so it can sell me More Than.
That's a major strike against it. I can't simplify my life and cultivate contentment if something is urging me to feel a new need and go buy the filler for that artificial need. There is a pressure there and a belittling there that I am happiest without.
Real esteem
The strongest esteem of any kind stems from esteem for God~ it's best to unwaveringly cultivate the fact that God/Love's 'opinion' comes first. TV has a way of trying to make me forget that.
And since having God say, "you're beautiful, you're a delight" is much more substantial to my soul, I dislike TV trying to brainwash me into thinking I'm not good enough!
So, it's unusual for me to end up watching more than 2 hours (the time it takes to watch a movie) of TV at any one go.
I watch some TV, because there is plenty of good out there, and I don't want to get persnickety and holier-than-thou in that way that I would get if I banned TV from my life for good.
I have to guard myself against sanctimonious thinking, as well as the toxic thinking that pulls me away from God!
For those of you who have never heard of it, "Naomi's New Morning" is an inspirational show that focuses on hope and faith. The fascinating Naomi Judd hosts it, and her goal is to inform and encourage. She brings on guests who have overcome adversity and kept their soul intact, or have found a way to help others.
It's an uplifting mood, and one I advocate as a Follower of Christ.
The uplifting life
Many of you know this about me: I believe that having Faith in God leads to a stronger love, and also a gratitude, and gratitude leads to joy, and all these lead to an optimism and positivity.
My general outlook on life is comprised of both joy and peace; I don't mean that I never feel down or never get scared or doubt~ that's just not true. I have my blows to endure. But I still have been allowed to have an ongoing, 'usual' attitude of joie de vivre.
I've been allowed to have this joy of life, an eye that finds beauty and hope all around, right through my assortment of trials~ not one of which has been too much for me to endure.
Bruised, not broken
I still stand, and I stand strong, because of God's personal care. He didn't let anything destroy completely this bruised little reed.
And when I felt that I had broken inside, it was only so God could build me back up, better and stronger than ever, inside.
Over time, and with the effort of giving God the benefit of the doubt during my most troubled, darkest times, He was able to build the foundation for what would become my most rewarding and lifegiving aspect of my life.
He's given generously, unstintingly of the things that bring real happiness.
God will continue to offer these gifts to us ~ we need only accept them with thanks, and not push them aside as 'not good enough', 'not what I wanted'.
A born phoenix
I can see now that this lifegiving, renewing phoenix-like quality awakened most during the darkest times...that's where our cup of sadness is carved out deeper, thereby enabling it to hold more joy, right? :)
But during those times, it's hard to feel like that.
I was miserable, yes, and things were really bad, more than once in my life ~ but it's been through those times that I gained priceless gifts, inside. Things that make life not only endurable but fantastic. It ups the ante, saturates the color, brightens the outlook, brings magic to the day, glorifies the moment~ God is there, in all the flavor and serene grace one could wish for!
No, no, they can't take that away from me~
Those inner gifts may lack the panache of material bling, or even of outward Good Life trappings, but noone can take these gifts away from me, save God alone ~ and I'm reasonably certain that Love is not going to take them away once It's given them!
It's through God that I can look out on the world with a happy heart, even when it's been blunted with sadness or trouble.
In those painful times, I find patience is available to me, a calm and often that "peace that passes understanding".
I'm grateful for that~ peace of mind and well-being are gifts that last.
In these inner gifts of happiness, creative energy, peace, faith and optimism born of trust and gratitude are the gentle forces that lead me to the life God has envisioned and hoped for me.
The luckiest ones
I've been lucky~ something in my background, perhaps more than one thing, has led me to hold spiritual growth as Essential, far more essential to my life balance than any other factor.
I value wisdom, substance, depth, as well as beauty and the holiness of everyday things. I value purity and wholesomeness and graciousness of the heart. I believe that Light is stronger than dark, God is stronger than evil.
This brings on a positive-thinking optimism, because I know God will win, and Good will win with Love.
I value these things because I value God/Love most of all.
How could I not? God knows all my buttons to push, both good and bad! God knows how to reach into me and get me, where noone else can touch. Love knows how to speak to my innermost being, right into the core of my heart, and addle my complaisant world, soothe my ravaged soul, bring zest to my tangy joy!
God is the sparkle and the deep of the world I know, and is always leading me to new worlds to explore under His wing.
Yesterday was a fine day where I live~ the weather was good, and the house was cool inside. There has been rain enough, recently, so my garden was happy.
More to the point of my pleasure, I've started using a little turquoise bead bracelet to keep myself focused on my prayers, and it's been an enriching thing. So enriching, I find myself keeping the bracelet out on my bedstand where I can look at it and grab it easily. I kept holding it in my hand, or putting it on my wrist. I didn't want the day to end!
The benefits I've received through using it as a tool have been a blessing I can't stop savoring!
When my mind begins to wander during prayer, I sense the little bead and bracelet in my hands, and immediately recall where I was and what I was doing, in my prayer. My attention is brought back to the full presence of God, I don't lose my way.
It's a very handy tool, and my time with God was sweet, because of that continually reinforced focus.
Hallmark
Also, I watched "Naomi's New Morning" for the first time, yesterday. It's on the Hallmark channel here in America, which I get on my satellite tv, and I've been meaning to take a peek at it, but you know I'm not a big one for much TV viewing.
TV tries to make me feel Less Than, so it can sell me More Than.
That's a major strike against it. I can't simplify my life and cultivate contentment if something is urging me to feel a new need and go buy the filler for that artificial need. There is a pressure there and a belittling there that I am happiest without.
Real esteem
The strongest esteem of any kind stems from esteem for God~ it's best to unwaveringly cultivate the fact that God/Love's 'opinion' comes first. TV has a way of trying to make me forget that.
And since having God say, "you're beautiful, you're a delight" is much more substantial to my soul, I dislike TV trying to brainwash me into thinking I'm not good enough!
So, it's unusual for me to end up watching more than 2 hours (the time it takes to watch a movie) of TV at any one go.
I watch some TV, because there is plenty of good out there, and I don't want to get persnickety and holier-than-thou in that way that I would get if I banned TV from my life for good.
I have to guard myself against sanctimonious thinking, as well as the toxic thinking that pulls me away from God!
For those of you who have never heard of it, "Naomi's New Morning" is an inspirational show that focuses on hope and faith. The fascinating Naomi Judd hosts it, and her goal is to inform and encourage. She brings on guests who have overcome adversity and kept their soul intact, or have found a way to help others.
It's an uplifting mood, and one I advocate as a Follower of Christ.
The uplifting life
Many of you know this about me: I believe that having Faith in God leads to a stronger love, and also a gratitude, and gratitude leads to joy, and all these lead to an optimism and positivity.
My general outlook on life is comprised of both joy and peace; I don't mean that I never feel down or never get scared or doubt~ that's just not true. I have my blows to endure. But I still have been allowed to have an ongoing, 'usual' attitude of joie de vivre.
I've been allowed to have this joy of life, an eye that finds beauty and hope all around, right through my assortment of trials~ not one of which has been too much for me to endure.
Bruised, not broken
I still stand, and I stand strong, because of God's personal care. He didn't let anything destroy completely this bruised little reed.
And when I felt that I had broken inside, it was only so God could build me back up, better and stronger than ever, inside.
Over time, and with the effort of giving God the benefit of the doubt during my most troubled, darkest times, He was able to build the foundation for what would become my most rewarding and lifegiving aspect of my life.
He's given generously, unstintingly of the things that bring real happiness.
God will continue to offer these gifts to us ~ we need only accept them with thanks, and not push them aside as 'not good enough', 'not what I wanted'.
A born phoenix
I can see now that this lifegiving, renewing phoenix-like quality awakened most during the darkest times...that's where our cup of sadness is carved out deeper, thereby enabling it to hold more joy, right? :)
But during those times, it's hard to feel like that.
I was miserable, yes, and things were really bad, more than once in my life ~ but it's been through those times that I gained priceless gifts, inside. Things that make life not only endurable but fantastic. It ups the ante, saturates the color, brightens the outlook, brings magic to the day, glorifies the moment~ God is there, in all the flavor and serene grace one could wish for!
No, no, they can't take that away from me~
Those inner gifts may lack the panache of material bling, or even of outward Good Life trappings, but noone can take these gifts away from me, save God alone ~ and I'm reasonably certain that Love is not going to take them away once It's given them!
It's through God that I can look out on the world with a happy heart, even when it's been blunted with sadness or trouble.
In those painful times, I find patience is available to me, a calm and often that "peace that passes understanding".
I'm grateful for that~ peace of mind and well-being are gifts that last.
In these inner gifts of happiness, creative energy, peace, faith and optimism born of trust and gratitude are the gentle forces that lead me to the life God has envisioned and hoped for me.
The luckiest ones
I've been lucky~ something in my background, perhaps more than one thing, has led me to hold spiritual growth as Essential, far more essential to my life balance than any other factor.
I value wisdom, substance, depth, as well as beauty and the holiness of everyday things. I value purity and wholesomeness and graciousness of the heart. I believe that Light is stronger than dark, God is stronger than evil.
This brings on a positive-thinking optimism, because I know God will win, and Good will win with Love.
I value these things because I value God/Love most of all.
How could I not? God knows all my buttons to push, both good and bad! God knows how to reach into me and get me, where noone else can touch. Love knows how to speak to my innermost being, right into the core of my heart, and addle my complaisant world, soothe my ravaged soul, bring zest to my tangy joy!
God is the sparkle and the deep of the world I know, and is always leading me to new worlds to explore under His wing.
25 July 2007
When did it happen?
At some point when I wasn't paying attention, God grew beneath me.
...As if to cup my soul in His hand....
I was going about the pantomine of my daily life, snatching moments here, there, any place I could, bits of time to talk with Love and bring It in to my life more~ to hold God close to me.
My mind was full, though, of little bits and surface currents and finding solutions and creating and enjoying and processing. I have been learning from the books that bundle at my bedside table, and I can't say that I was really paying heed to what was forming around my being.
But like a movement out of the corner of my eye, something made me look over, I sensed the stirrings of something warmly enchanting.
And I saw that my inner landscape had filled up beneath me, like a scoop surrounding me.
And I knew that this scooping-up of my soul would continue to enclose me in secure warmth and refreshing coolness and unponderable mysteries I cannot touch~ all that is God and that can fit into me and my 90% of empty brain matter the scientists tell us about.
Maybe it's just my awareness of God's presence, already-there, that I've awakened to. Whatever it is, I would like it to continue to grow, because it makes me know more unity with God my Source.
Soulmate
I've been reading "Soul Mates" by Thomas Moore (thanks, Emerge), and have been finding it a very informative book, because I already noticed these things in a rather vague, free-form way, myself. I can agree with much he says in the book, because it was noticed and half-crystalized for me, before. I think the author does an excellent job, thus far in the book, of explaining his point of view.
Soul pegs
I can give wild applause to at least one notion touched on in the book ~ that of a soul being a tumbling mass of contradictions and oxymorons.
The soul is not a tidy square peg~ we as people are packed full of contrasts. We are all the worst of sinners, we are all the purest of saints~ often all in the same hour. What goes on in our depths would drive the rest of the world mad, were it to learn only half of it!
But I don't presume to speak for your head~ all I can tell you is that in my own person there resides a devil inside, and an angel, too! They aren't on my shoulder (how wonderful to be so detached from the battle as to believe that they come and go and merely perch!)~ 'they' are part of myself. Were I to believe otherwise, I wouldn't be genuine, nor would I be honest, nor would I be clear on my true position in this world.
Pure luxury of self-expression
The crux of the matter is that I am inclined to revel in both sides of me~ because they are a clear, primal expression of what I really am, with no glossing-over and no self-editing, no fear. I may buck against the 'black magic woman' essence in me, and long for the 'christine of epiphany' side to prevail, but the thing is, they're both there. I would be less than honest if I hid that, and less than myself, if I did.
Only grace
Through God's rich Love, I feel that I can take that step and forgive, even accept my sinful side. God's done such a splendid job of covering me with that forgiveness and mercy and all those sweet emotions (heh. it's like a rock song word-find, today, isn't it?), I can come to terms (for the most part) with what I am at this point~ realizing that I won't stay this way, and can't cling to my own concept of my own identity as if it were an idol.
I trust that God and I will continue to work together to make me more of what I was intended to be, so change is inevitable.
At some point when I wasn't paying attention, God grew beneath me.
...As if to cup my soul in His hand....
I was going about the pantomine of my daily life, snatching moments here, there, any place I could, bits of time to talk with Love and bring It in to my life more~ to hold God close to me.
My mind was full, though, of little bits and surface currents and finding solutions and creating and enjoying and processing. I have been learning from the books that bundle at my bedside table, and I can't say that I was really paying heed to what was forming around my being.
But like a movement out of the corner of my eye, something made me look over, I sensed the stirrings of something warmly enchanting.
And I saw that my inner landscape had filled up beneath me, like a scoop surrounding me.
And I knew that this scooping-up of my soul would continue to enclose me in secure warmth and refreshing coolness and unponderable mysteries I cannot touch~ all that is God and that can fit into me and my 90% of empty brain matter the scientists tell us about.
Maybe it's just my awareness of God's presence, already-there, that I've awakened to. Whatever it is, I would like it to continue to grow, because it makes me know more unity with God my Source.
Soulmate
I've been reading "Soul Mates" by Thomas Moore (thanks, Emerge), and have been finding it a very informative book, because I already noticed these things in a rather vague, free-form way, myself. I can agree with much he says in the book, because it was noticed and half-crystalized for me, before. I think the author does an excellent job, thus far in the book, of explaining his point of view.
Soul pegs
I can give wild applause to at least one notion touched on in the book ~ that of a soul being a tumbling mass of contradictions and oxymorons.
The soul is not a tidy square peg~ we as people are packed full of contrasts. We are all the worst of sinners, we are all the purest of saints~ often all in the same hour. What goes on in our depths would drive the rest of the world mad, were it to learn only half of it!
But I don't presume to speak for your head~ all I can tell you is that in my own person there resides a devil inside, and an angel, too! They aren't on my shoulder (how wonderful to be so detached from the battle as to believe that they come and go and merely perch!)~ 'they' are part of myself. Were I to believe otherwise, I wouldn't be genuine, nor would I be honest, nor would I be clear on my true position in this world.
Pure luxury of self-expression
The crux of the matter is that I am inclined to revel in both sides of me~ because they are a clear, primal expression of what I really am, with no glossing-over and no self-editing, no fear. I may buck against the 'black magic woman' essence in me, and long for the 'christine of epiphany' side to prevail, but the thing is, they're both there. I would be less than honest if I hid that, and less than myself, if I did.
Only grace
Through God's rich Love, I feel that I can take that step and forgive, even accept my sinful side. God's done such a splendid job of covering me with that forgiveness and mercy and all those sweet emotions (heh. it's like a rock song word-find, today, isn't it?), I can come to terms (for the most part) with what I am at this point~ realizing that I won't stay this way, and can't cling to my own concept of my own identity as if it were an idol.
I trust that God and I will continue to work together to make me more of what I was intended to be, so change is inevitable.
19 July 2007
Picture this
I answer the door where Christ knocks, and accept whatever gift he's got in his hands for me.
Several times a day, I stop and answer that door.
A lovely tradition, a great lift to have that moment with him. Just a daydream, maybe, if you want to get terribly strict about it, but it seems to sink in and have good affect on me. I feel that I get closer to Jesus, because of it.
But during contemplative prayer yesterday with my Wednesday group, I was thinking about how much I wanted to reallyreally see how God lingers in the world around me.
I wanted to see God's Love, understand it more fully. I wanted to know with every bit of me that It's penetrating me and I'm mirroring It ~ and all that that kind of radical, unconditional Love means, when It enters our lives.
I wanted to see.
It came to mind, while I was there praying silently in our group, to 'answer the knock',
and this time, I purposely stopped at the closed door.
I asked through the door, quite bold and certain of Christ's indulgence, kindness, affection,
"Will you give me that Grasp of God/Love that I want, if I open this door?"
~ he knew what I meant~ I knew that he would know what I meant, exactly; though it resists being put into words.
I was teasing, because I knew I could do that with my dearest brother, the one who adopted me as his sister long ago, before I was born.
I could tease and be playful, because we both knew that I would open the door even if he said, "no"! :)
(That was when the little bell dinged, the one the leader always softly hits, when the 20 minutes are up and it's time to stop contemplating.)
(I didn't open my eyes~ no way! I was on to something! I wanted to keep on picturing this moment I was sharing with Christ, it was so wonderful!)
Kept my eyes closed, kept focused....
He acceded, and when I opened the door, his face was lit up with the shiningest of smiles,
(and nobody is as beautiful in my mind as the image I have of Jesus, when he smiles)
and he ran in with his arms out, caught me up in them and we whirled around in sheer jubilation.
(and I could open my eyes. and wipe away the faint hint of tears at the corners of them.)
I felt that he was so brilliantly happy because I had asked for that clear understanding, the profound Knowing of the Love of God in Its state.
We spend our lives blind to it, and I've learned to value highly the hope of having it.
It would change so much to see clearly, clearest of all, the beauty of God's Love everywhere!
I felt in my being that Christ really was pleased that I asked for that, above all the other gifts he could give.
It may have just been a scene of my own making, but it rang true and clear and deep.
Bigger than me.
I answer the door where Christ knocks, and accept whatever gift he's got in his hands for me.
Several times a day, I stop and answer that door.
A lovely tradition, a great lift to have that moment with him. Just a daydream, maybe, if you want to get terribly strict about it, but it seems to sink in and have good affect on me. I feel that I get closer to Jesus, because of it.
But during contemplative prayer yesterday with my Wednesday group, I was thinking about how much I wanted to reallyreally see how God lingers in the world around me.
I wanted to see God's Love, understand it more fully. I wanted to know with every bit of me that It's penetrating me and I'm mirroring It ~ and all that that kind of radical, unconditional Love means, when It enters our lives.
I wanted to see.
It came to mind, while I was there praying silently in our group, to 'answer the knock',
and this time, I purposely stopped at the closed door.
I asked through the door, quite bold and certain of Christ's indulgence, kindness, affection,
"Will you give me that Grasp of God/Love that I want, if I open this door?"
~ he knew what I meant~ I knew that he would know what I meant, exactly; though it resists being put into words.
I was teasing, because I knew I could do that with my dearest brother, the one who adopted me as his sister long ago, before I was born.
I could tease and be playful, because we both knew that I would open the door even if he said, "no"! :)
(That was when the little bell dinged, the one the leader always softly hits, when the 20 minutes are up and it's time to stop contemplating.)
(I didn't open my eyes~ no way! I was on to something! I wanted to keep on picturing this moment I was sharing with Christ, it was so wonderful!)
Kept my eyes closed, kept focused....
He acceded, and when I opened the door, his face was lit up with the shiningest of smiles,
(and nobody is as beautiful in my mind as the image I have of Jesus, when he smiles)
and he ran in with his arms out, caught me up in them and we whirled around in sheer jubilation.
(and I could open my eyes. and wipe away the faint hint of tears at the corners of them.)
I felt that he was so brilliantly happy because I had asked for that clear understanding, the profound Knowing of the Love of God in Its state.
We spend our lives blind to it, and I've learned to value highly the hope of having it.
It would change so much to see clearly, clearest of all, the beauty of God's Love everywhere!
I felt in my being that Christ really was pleased that I asked for that, above all the other gifts he could give.
It may have just been a scene of my own making, but it rang true and clear and deep.
Bigger than me.
18 July 2007
17 July 2007
What I like about what I noticed
When I do contemplative, silent prayer with a group, it can be very strong, powerful, a wonderful way to praise God without words~ feeling unified to Everything under God's sun!
On my own, it can be very deeply refreshing ~ a more personal note, I suppose.
I've considered holding something in my hand during prayer, in order to help me keep track of what I'm doing, since minds have a tendency to not want to shut up and think of Someone Else (namely, God) for even 20 minutes!
It's been a strong point for me for all my life that my brain just doesn't stop going; but this silent prayer is a new discipline, because for me, it's a time to concentrate on God alone. And to really concentrate on God, a stillness that comes as a gift from God must be able to fall on me.
Rough seas
In what seems a whole other lifetime ago, when my life was very tough and there were few blessings, with even fewer moments of strong faith and real peace (those two can't be separated), an old friend, Tracey, sent me some little rocks she said were called 'worry stones'.
A worry stone is a small, flat pebble with ridges running horizontally on it. I believe, if I remember correctly, that it comes from the ocean, or other waters.
Tracey was also having a hard time in her life, so we could commiserate together, long-distance, on the endurance tests we were being put through.
She wrote me, "they say that if you rub these 'worry stones' when you're worried, it will help you relieve stress. I'm sure you can find a use for them!"
I recently came across a few mentions of rosaries (really, truly, rose petals rolled up to make 'em?), and the use of prayer beads across the globe, in many religions and cultures. They apparently use these to keep focused on their prayers. (I say 'apparently' because in the Protestant faith, we don't have a custom of using any type of prayer beads.)
I think that sounds like a wonderful idea~ to honor my Protestant upbringing, I would prefer some kind of prayer beads, not a rosary (though they sound so pretty, made out of real rose petals).
Or one of my worry stones~ those would do.
If I could only find it!
Alas and alack, I received those worry stones years ago, and have raised children in that time, and moved a couple of times. I suspect I don't even have them around, anymore.
They did the job
Let me tell you, when I had them, I used them! I was surprised the little ridges weren't worn clean off 'em, I rubbed them so much!
Back then, I was up against it, in life. You know? There wasn't much by way of material gain I could lay claim to, I was divorced and without any solid prospects for a better future, I was lonely, scared, stretched thin by the rigors of my daily life's battles.
I had my daughters, who were great children, and some good friends, a pretty supportive family, and that was about it.
It was as if everyone was looking in on us~ out there, while we were in here ~ they could look in, they could help some, but it was always about having my own row to hoe, having my own life to manage. They couldn't really do that for me, now, could they? That's true of any life.
And yet, so much of life circumstances depends on forces that are outside our control. All we can do is try our best and have faith in the kindness of God.
How much?
There is a belief system that says that if you have the right attitude and strong faith or strong will, then you'll get all you want in life. That this energy from you will bring to you all the things you want that are not directly controlled by you.
I suppose the philosophy is that the sheer boldness of such a faith would influence God to give you what you are looking for; or maybe this faith/attitude would be the unlocked door God needs in order to reach you with those gifts.
But how much influence does our faith have on the will of God?
As you can probably see, I am at the halfway point, on this belief. Though I feel a shift in attitude can do amazing things, and eventually make a huge amount of difference in a life, I strongly suspect our faith and attitude has limits to what they can do for us, when it comes to getting things from God.
The desire to be spoiled brats and get everything we want is strong in us~ and hardly an evolved, helpful point of view to our spirituality.
And yet, I hope that I'm not blocking what God would do, by a block in my belief of what Faith can do in our lives!
If I had to hold down a position on this, I think the point I would rest on (for now, anyway) is that the highest light we can reach for ourselves is to trust in God completely to give us all that we need and lots of the things that we would want, the things we would enjoy, things we could just have simple fun with.
I absolutely believe that God wants us to enjoy this life~ not to the point of making it the center of our existence, not replacing God's destined central position in our lives. Only to the point where there is gratitude for and enjoyment of, a full savoring of our blessings in our lives, whenever possible.
And much of that is, I believe, influenced by our attitudes.
That winning attitude
Have you ever had your mood start out great, and end up making your whole day fantastic?
Say you woke up one morning, with your day planned out in your head, either in a specific schedule or in a resolve to be spontaneous and go completely with the flow of what the day has to offer.
Whether you embark on a day trip that day, or stay home, or go to work as you would most days, or whatever, doesn't matter.
You have a sort of mind eclipse where it all comes together, and you find that you're facing the day as if it's going to be wonderful, an adventure!
And everything that happens that day is taken into that attitude, colored by it so much, it almost seems as if you are a wonderful-happening magnet, and even a brief rainshower on your perfect day turns out to be perfect~ light, cool, refreshing, fun. You didn't get uncomfortably drenched, and you didn't get badly sunburned, and life was full of sparkling rays of wonder, all day.
I've had that happen enough in my own life to make me wonder~ what kind of life would I live if I was able to face just about every day with some kind of wonderful attitude?
(I take into account that there will always be a few down days, where we suffer loss or are just plain grumpy and can't shake it, or whatever ~ that's only natural.)
The fem mystique
Being female, I have many moods to choose from :) ~ I can be tranquil and centered and soft, as feminine and soft and quiet as a geisha of long gone days,
or I can be romantic, with baroque undercurrents, the wind flowing my velvet cape as it whirls past my face and plays in my curls,
or I could be on a Grand Day Out, an adventure, something new around every corner,
or I could be the competent, energetic, get-everything-done modern woman,
or the secure, comforted, well-cared-for princess of God, smiling at everyone in bliss as I do everything gracefully, graciously, always refined (a true princess graciously serves her people),
or the free-spirited artist, curious about everything, seeing everything with fresh eyes, daring to create a vision of What Could Be, relaxed, casual, intense in feeling,
or, or, or!
But whatever I do with the day, however I approach it, I hope to always
begin the day in prayer,
and
end the day in prayer.
Because without Unconditional Love/God to lead the parade of my life, it doesn't seem to amount to a hill of beans!
Note to self
I remind myself that it's only through making God most important, my central focus, that I can have peace, joy, a great attitude of any kind.
When it all gets cold and weird and plain ol' yicky, when nothing seems to be worthwhile, when my lack of blessings means more to me than my blessings, and the holes mean more to me than the whole, I see that I've wandered off course, become too enamored of particular things in this earthly life.
Which is a great excuse to stop myself up short, center, concentrate of the magnificent stillness and so-cool worth-it-ness of God, and straighten up and fly right, again.
Time to forget what ain't, and focus on Unconditional Love.~
A postscript~
I wanted to thank Marilyn for her prayers, her concern, and her interest in Elizabeth Gaskell's "North and South" that made me decide to go ahead and get the dvd from the library!
I'd enjoyed the "Wives and Daughters" dvd, so this was worth a look.
Love it! I stayed up late watching it last night, I'm in the middle of it, and am loving every bit of it!
Thanks, Marilyn~ a great chick flick is a lingering delight! A total treasure!
Also, a hearty YAY! for the safe arrival of a bouncing baby boy (10 pounds!) to my friend Kristen and her husband!
When I do contemplative, silent prayer with a group, it can be very strong, powerful, a wonderful way to praise God without words~ feeling unified to Everything under God's sun!
On my own, it can be very deeply refreshing ~ a more personal note, I suppose.
I've considered holding something in my hand during prayer, in order to help me keep track of what I'm doing, since minds have a tendency to not want to shut up and think of Someone Else (namely, God) for even 20 minutes!
It's been a strong point for me for all my life that my brain just doesn't stop going; but this silent prayer is a new discipline, because for me, it's a time to concentrate on God alone. And to really concentrate on God, a stillness that comes as a gift from God must be able to fall on me.
Rough seas
In what seems a whole other lifetime ago, when my life was very tough and there were few blessings, with even fewer moments of strong faith and real peace (those two can't be separated), an old friend, Tracey, sent me some little rocks she said were called 'worry stones'.
A worry stone is a small, flat pebble with ridges running horizontally on it. I believe, if I remember correctly, that it comes from the ocean, or other waters.
Tracey was also having a hard time in her life, so we could commiserate together, long-distance, on the endurance tests we were being put through.
She wrote me, "they say that if you rub these 'worry stones' when you're worried, it will help you relieve stress. I'm sure you can find a use for them!"
I recently came across a few mentions of rosaries (really, truly, rose petals rolled up to make 'em?), and the use of prayer beads across the globe, in many religions and cultures. They apparently use these to keep focused on their prayers. (I say 'apparently' because in the Protestant faith, we don't have a custom of using any type of prayer beads.)
I think that sounds like a wonderful idea~ to honor my Protestant upbringing, I would prefer some kind of prayer beads, not a rosary (though they sound so pretty, made out of real rose petals).
Or one of my worry stones~ those would do.
If I could only find it!
Alas and alack, I received those worry stones years ago, and have raised children in that time, and moved a couple of times. I suspect I don't even have them around, anymore.
They did the job
Let me tell you, when I had them, I used them! I was surprised the little ridges weren't worn clean off 'em, I rubbed them so much!
Back then, I was up against it, in life. You know? There wasn't much by way of material gain I could lay claim to, I was divorced and without any solid prospects for a better future, I was lonely, scared, stretched thin by the rigors of my daily life's battles.
I had my daughters, who were great children, and some good friends, a pretty supportive family, and that was about it.
It was as if everyone was looking in on us~ out there, while we were in here ~ they could look in, they could help some, but it was always about having my own row to hoe, having my own life to manage. They couldn't really do that for me, now, could they? That's true of any life.
And yet, so much of life circumstances depends on forces that are outside our control. All we can do is try our best and have faith in the kindness of God.
How much?
There is a belief system that says that if you have the right attitude and strong faith or strong will, then you'll get all you want in life. That this energy from you will bring to you all the things you want that are not directly controlled by you.
I suppose the philosophy is that the sheer boldness of such a faith would influence God to give you what you are looking for; or maybe this faith/attitude would be the unlocked door God needs in order to reach you with those gifts.
But how much influence does our faith have on the will of God?
As you can probably see, I am at the halfway point, on this belief. Though I feel a shift in attitude can do amazing things, and eventually make a huge amount of difference in a life, I strongly suspect our faith and attitude has limits to what they can do for us, when it comes to getting things from God.
The desire to be spoiled brats and get everything we want is strong in us~ and hardly an evolved, helpful point of view to our spirituality.
And yet, I hope that I'm not blocking what God would do, by a block in my belief of what Faith can do in our lives!
If I had to hold down a position on this, I think the point I would rest on (for now, anyway) is that the highest light we can reach for ourselves is to trust in God completely to give us all that we need and lots of the things that we would want, the things we would enjoy, things we could just have simple fun with.
I absolutely believe that God wants us to enjoy this life~ not to the point of making it the center of our existence, not replacing God's destined central position in our lives. Only to the point where there is gratitude for and enjoyment of, a full savoring of our blessings in our lives, whenever possible.
And much of that is, I believe, influenced by our attitudes.
That winning attitude
Have you ever had your mood start out great, and end up making your whole day fantastic?
Say you woke up one morning, with your day planned out in your head, either in a specific schedule or in a resolve to be spontaneous and go completely with the flow of what the day has to offer.
Whether you embark on a day trip that day, or stay home, or go to work as you would most days, or whatever, doesn't matter.
You have a sort of mind eclipse where it all comes together, and you find that you're facing the day as if it's going to be wonderful, an adventure!
And everything that happens that day is taken into that attitude, colored by it so much, it almost seems as if you are a wonderful-happening magnet, and even a brief rainshower on your perfect day turns out to be perfect~ light, cool, refreshing, fun. You didn't get uncomfortably drenched, and you didn't get badly sunburned, and life was full of sparkling rays of wonder, all day.
I've had that happen enough in my own life to make me wonder~ what kind of life would I live if I was able to face just about every day with some kind of wonderful attitude?
(I take into account that there will always be a few down days, where we suffer loss or are just plain grumpy and can't shake it, or whatever ~ that's only natural.)
The fem mystique
Being female, I have many moods to choose from :) ~ I can be tranquil and centered and soft, as feminine and soft and quiet as a geisha of long gone days,
or I can be romantic, with baroque undercurrents, the wind flowing my velvet cape as it whirls past my face and plays in my curls,
or I could be on a Grand Day Out, an adventure, something new around every corner,
or I could be the competent, energetic, get-everything-done modern woman,
or the secure, comforted, well-cared-for princess of God, smiling at everyone in bliss as I do everything gracefully, graciously, always refined (a true princess graciously serves her people),
or the free-spirited artist, curious about everything, seeing everything with fresh eyes, daring to create a vision of What Could Be, relaxed, casual, intense in feeling,
or, or, or!
But whatever I do with the day, however I approach it, I hope to always
begin the day in prayer,
and
end the day in prayer.
Because without Unconditional Love/God to lead the parade of my life, it doesn't seem to amount to a hill of beans!
Note to self
I remind myself that it's only through making God most important, my central focus, that I can have peace, joy, a great attitude of any kind.
When it all gets cold and weird and plain ol' yicky, when nothing seems to be worthwhile, when my lack of blessings means more to me than my blessings, and the holes mean more to me than the whole, I see that I've wandered off course, become too enamored of particular things in this earthly life.
Which is a great excuse to stop myself up short, center, concentrate of the magnificent stillness and so-cool worth-it-ness of God, and straighten up and fly right, again.
Time to forget what ain't, and focus on Unconditional Love.~
A postscript~
I wanted to thank Marilyn for her prayers, her concern, and her interest in Elizabeth Gaskell's "North and South" that made me decide to go ahead and get the dvd from the library!
I'd enjoyed the "Wives and Daughters" dvd, so this was worth a look.
Love it! I stayed up late watching it last night, I'm in the middle of it, and am loving every bit of it!
Thanks, Marilyn~ a great chick flick is a lingering delight! A total treasure!
Also, a hearty YAY! for the safe arrival of a bouncing baby boy (10 pounds!) to my friend Kristen and her husband!
12 July 2007
Thoughts
I believe that you can learn something of value from every person that comes into your life. It's a gift to yourself to decide to seek out the admirable things in another.
And then, you give back.
But I think we do ourselves a disservice by only "counting" good works that are in the 'soup kitchen' arena of charity work. There is much more to Giving Back than working in a soup kitchen or volunteering for the Peace Corps or even becoming a prayer warrior for those in need (although those all are good ideas).
Yet, the purest work is found in what God calls you to do, no matter how humble or how surprising that Calling may be.
What we forget in our general view is that spiritual good comes in the day to day path that you trod, the kindnesses you give along the way, the gentle silences in the face of rudeness, the way you create a less-critical outlook when regarding others, the way you endure their faults and foibles and irritating, annoying habits; the way you forgive them when they don't put up with yours. It is the processing you give your emotional responses, turning them gently into evolved responses.
To be willing to see the other side of the story, to allow thoughts and emotions to take those into account, and to deal kindly with another, even in the face of pain~ how good that would be to be like, all the time!
Lest I forget, I was shown an example of someone who could've launched into a tirade against me, albeit a minor one. I was on the edge of one, myself, and waiting to see where they would head next, in the conversation. My instincts were locked in a sniff-out, waiting to see whether I was about to be insulted or not....
You know how it is~ you start getting the feeling that someone is not respecting you, or maybe you're just wondering if they're not respecting you, and it seems like your whole body tenses up and tunes in to the slightest fragment of anything that seems to uphold that suspicion.
You wait for them to come right out and show that they're insulting you.
You wait to pounce or retreat, depending on the circumstance.
But while I was waiting to see if I was being treated disrespectfully, all ready to defend myself, the one I was talking to treated me with great delicacy and kindness. She realized what I was thinking (fearing!), what I was feeling, she put herself in my shoes, and she managed it very well.
Well, I had to be grateful for such a good example.
The view from God's toes
It seems to me that if I could only see a little clearly as to what God IS, even a tiny hint of what all is contained in God, all the magnificence and surprise and amazingness that is lurking in God, I would be besotted with love, my only desire would be to become a Love Slave for all eternity!
Is it a good thing or a bad that God keeps this from us? I suppose maybe Love doesn't want us to lose our free will before we've had our fill of it.
Surely, the one who comes to God only after experiencing all that a selfish steering in life can give, and all the forgiveness that God gives~ that person must be very valuable to God. They come to Him knowing full-well what they've been given, knowing what they want, convinced, finally, of the greatness of God~ a God worthy of our faithfulness and trust.
That kind of free-choice-choosing-Him must be very sweet for God to savor.
Someone becomes convinced of His goodness, and loses the madding crowd, chucks it, in order to be with Him.~
That must be very heartwarming for God to see!
Come a-knockin'
I asked God to allow me to have more love for Him; and the only way to have more love is to have more understanding of Him.
I began to pray for a little hint of what Love is really like.~
I suspected there would be wondrous light, the kind that seems to sink into the skin and lift the heart, and mind-boggling creativities, and a true love that one would hope to wallow in, when enveloped by it. I sensed there would be delights thus-far unfathomable, and a taste of the divine that is unimaginable, before experiencing it.
I felt there would be a discovery of final importance, as a prize found at the end of the Hero Cycle is the focus of it all.
A holy grail of enormous proportions, a gift that satisfies all need and all hopes and all cravings, and a love so profound that, when received, seems too big to be held in such a small jar of clay.
I felt the form of this big Thing, this part of God that is so much God, and still, hasn't been experienced by me, yet.
I felt it, and began to be very curious about it.
I wanted to find that elemental part of God, even just a little.
I want to love God more, at least more of an amount, closer to what Love deserves out of me.
I began to pray earnestly for it in my heart, because the heart is the only part of us I've found that has the true ability to pray without ceasing ~ and mean it the most, too!
By this time, I have great confidence in God's answer.
I see, through my own experience and understanding, that to pray without ceasing for a spiritual blessing is to knock at the door of Christ.~ He will open it, He will give what is asked for. It might take time, there may have to be time for seasoning the request (and the request-er!), it may take a while.
But it will come.
Response
I see the small starting-out, the bursts of clarity that have begun to come to me out of nowhere. My interest piques, and I want more.
You remember in my prior posts, I talked of how my intense attention to God was flagging under weariness, my brain was tired, fried. It has been hard to concentrate on finding out more about God, my spirit was so worn out. I couldn't place the emphasis on discovering more, as I'd like.
I missed discovering God. Very much. It became like a homesickness! And that's what made me pray for more inspiration, more strength, more hunger, more longing for God.
I don't demand anything dramatic~ I can allow that such a nice gift may come over time, as I continue to pray for it.
It comes in a trickle, and I'm grateful for those momentary flashes of understanding. They linger like heat after the sun leaves iron ~ twirls of smoke ascending after a snap of firecracker blinds with its light....
But I'm quickly learning that to ask God for more understanding of Love means to be prepared for anything. Our God is a surprising God, way above us in originality and rightness; we can't grasp what is until It brushes up against us and freaks us out with its brilliant, unfamiliar strangeness.
I saw not to expect my understanding of God to grow in certain directions~ not to anticipate what God will reveal the Divine to be, or what It will be like. When it comes, it startles and overwhelms.
We're too little to be able to predict the path of the wild winds correctly.
* * *
Did you notice?
I found a Sonific SongSpot on another blog, and installed one here. Do you like it?
I believe that you can learn something of value from every person that comes into your life. It's a gift to yourself to decide to seek out the admirable things in another.
And then, you give back.
But I think we do ourselves a disservice by only "counting" good works that are in the 'soup kitchen' arena of charity work. There is much more to Giving Back than working in a soup kitchen or volunteering for the Peace Corps or even becoming a prayer warrior for those in need (although those all are good ideas).
Yet, the purest work is found in what God calls you to do, no matter how humble or how surprising that Calling may be.
What we forget in our general view is that spiritual good comes in the day to day path that you trod, the kindnesses you give along the way, the gentle silences in the face of rudeness, the way you create a less-critical outlook when regarding others, the way you endure their faults and foibles and irritating, annoying habits; the way you forgive them when they don't put up with yours. It is the processing you give your emotional responses, turning them gently into evolved responses.
To be willing to see the other side of the story, to allow thoughts and emotions to take those into account, and to deal kindly with another, even in the face of pain~ how good that would be to be like, all the time!
Lest I forget, I was shown an example of someone who could've launched into a tirade against me, albeit a minor one. I was on the edge of one, myself, and waiting to see where they would head next, in the conversation. My instincts were locked in a sniff-out, waiting to see whether I was about to be insulted or not....
You know how it is~ you start getting the feeling that someone is not respecting you, or maybe you're just wondering if they're not respecting you, and it seems like your whole body tenses up and tunes in to the slightest fragment of anything that seems to uphold that suspicion.
You wait for them to come right out and show that they're insulting you.
You wait to pounce or retreat, depending on the circumstance.
But while I was waiting to see if I was being treated disrespectfully, all ready to defend myself, the one I was talking to treated me with great delicacy and kindness. She realized what I was thinking (fearing!), what I was feeling, she put herself in my shoes, and she managed it very well.
Well, I had to be grateful for such a good example.
The view from God's toes
It seems to me that if I could only see a little clearly as to what God IS, even a tiny hint of what all is contained in God, all the magnificence and surprise and amazingness that is lurking in God, I would be besotted with love, my only desire would be to become a Love Slave for all eternity!
Is it a good thing or a bad that God keeps this from us? I suppose maybe Love doesn't want us to lose our free will before we've had our fill of it.
Surely, the one who comes to God only after experiencing all that a selfish steering in life can give, and all the forgiveness that God gives~ that person must be very valuable to God. They come to Him knowing full-well what they've been given, knowing what they want, convinced, finally, of the greatness of God~ a God worthy of our faithfulness and trust.
That kind of free-choice-choosing-Him must be very sweet for God to savor.
Someone becomes convinced of His goodness, and loses the madding crowd, chucks it, in order to be with Him.~
That must be very heartwarming for God to see!
Come a-knockin'
I asked God to allow me to have more love for Him; and the only way to have more love is to have more understanding of Him.
I began to pray for a little hint of what Love is really like.~
I suspected there would be wondrous light, the kind that seems to sink into the skin and lift the heart, and mind-boggling creativities, and a true love that one would hope to wallow in, when enveloped by it. I sensed there would be delights thus-far unfathomable, and a taste of the divine that is unimaginable, before experiencing it.
I felt there would be a discovery of final importance, as a prize found at the end of the Hero Cycle is the focus of it all.
A holy grail of enormous proportions, a gift that satisfies all need and all hopes and all cravings, and a love so profound that, when received, seems too big to be held in such a small jar of clay.
I felt the form of this big Thing, this part of God that is so much God, and still, hasn't been experienced by me, yet.
I felt it, and began to be very curious about it.
I wanted to find that elemental part of God, even just a little.
I want to love God more, at least more of an amount, closer to what Love deserves out of me.
I began to pray earnestly for it in my heart, because the heart is the only part of us I've found that has the true ability to pray without ceasing ~ and mean it the most, too!
By this time, I have great confidence in God's answer.
I see, through my own experience and understanding, that to pray without ceasing for a spiritual blessing is to knock at the door of Christ.~ He will open it, He will give what is asked for. It might take time, there may have to be time for seasoning the request (and the request-er!), it may take a while.
But it will come.
Response
I see the small starting-out, the bursts of clarity that have begun to come to me out of nowhere. My interest piques, and I want more.
You remember in my prior posts, I talked of how my intense attention to God was flagging under weariness, my brain was tired, fried. It has been hard to concentrate on finding out more about God, my spirit was so worn out. I couldn't place the emphasis on discovering more, as I'd like.
I missed discovering God. Very much. It became like a homesickness! And that's what made me pray for more inspiration, more strength, more hunger, more longing for God.
I don't demand anything dramatic~ I can allow that such a nice gift may come over time, as I continue to pray for it.
It comes in a trickle, and I'm grateful for those momentary flashes of understanding. They linger like heat after the sun leaves iron ~ twirls of smoke ascending after a snap of firecracker blinds with its light....
But I'm quickly learning that to ask God for more understanding of Love means to be prepared for anything. Our God is a surprising God, way above us in originality and rightness; we can't grasp what is until It brushes up against us and freaks us out with its brilliant, unfamiliar strangeness.
I saw not to expect my understanding of God to grow in certain directions~ not to anticipate what God will reveal the Divine to be, or what It will be like. When it comes, it startles and overwhelms.
We're too little to be able to predict the path of the wild winds correctly.
* * *
Did you notice?
I found a Sonific SongSpot on another blog, and installed one here. Do you like it?
05 July 2007
Yesterday
I had a really good time with my extended family yesterday. When I'm with them, I'm so happy, I don't get hungry. So, though there was plenty of good food around, I didn't want any. Apparently, I just wanted to sit there smiling a beatific smile at them all!
I felt full inside.
Since it was down in the rolling hills of Williamstown, Kentucky, it reminded me of my Sunday Day Out with my house church, the one we took the week before last~ the one I keep telling you I'll tell you about!
I only have a few of the photos, and I don't have them with me; but, really, what I want to talk about doesn't really need the photos, so we'll go into it, now.
The Shabby Chic Farm
It started at a hobby farm~ my house church leader is a pro photographer of some renown (are you blushing, Michael?), and he and his lovely wife (you blushing, Marilyn?) invited us all to go with his photo class to a grill-out that would take place on this particular hobby farm. The farmer was a friend of one of the photo students, I believe. ~ are you with me so far?
When we got there, it was just as I had hoped~ plenty of the serene, timeless Williamstown scenery, good people, good food, and that Vintage/Found Style decorating everywhere. So cool.
We were all picture-takin' fools.
This guy had animals all over the place, and wonderful little areas for enjoyment, lots of photo-worthy vignettes ~ though looking around, we wondered how he ever had the chance to sit and just enjoy it all.
I ended up buying the pale blue and green eggs~ colors like something from the sea of long-ago, beautiful shades of great delicacy that I suspect won't show clearly on film.
(I've still got them in my fridge~ can't bear to crack them up and eat them)
But of course, I just had to try to get a photo of them, so in future, I'll post it, here.
That trip alone would've been enough, but we managed to top it, for me ~ one of the women there took us to "Our Lady's Farm", out in Falmouth.
Being a good Protestant girl, I'd never even heard of the place. Its devotion to Mary left me a little squirmy~ my beliefs have always focused with intense clarity on God alone (which includes all known and acknowledged aspects of God); so I wasn't into the Mary focus, but I was fine with it.
It's the thought that counts
I feel we all have our own unique, necessary paths to finding God, so I decided long ago to take it on faith that the interest in anything besides God would eventually lead to God.
There is something about a fervent faith in the divine notion that I feel is on the right track, something that God can grab hold of, eventually.
(Though I must admit, I'm a lot happier when someone is placing all their devotion and love squarely onto God!)
Agua Maria
This place even had Mary-fied water (I took a bottle!). I enjoyed that thought!
I can deal with Mary and her visits and her water~ no doubt she was a caring soul. I know if I myself had the opportunity to come down to Earth after my death and give you guys some wonder water, I'd do it.
So, it's no great stretch for me to accept the generosity of healing water they say is from her.
Anyway ~ although the air was full of Mary in that place, when we finally wandered behind the chapel, the open field beckoned us to look at the vast landscape spread out before us.
There was peace and beauty and q.u.i.e.t. that I could totally sink in with~ a quiet that spoke of the magnificent God behind it all~ an enchanting disregard for Time's passage that Williamstown's land does so well.
And when we all settled into silence of one accord as we looked out at the sky and rim of hills blueing into the distance, that was it for me.
You couldn't get much better than that.
These little blessings that you don't even see coming, these Moments of God, they're the life-changers under the skin, in the end.
I had a really good time with my extended family yesterday. When I'm with them, I'm so happy, I don't get hungry. So, though there was plenty of good food around, I didn't want any. Apparently, I just wanted to sit there smiling a beatific smile at them all!
I felt full inside.
Since it was down in the rolling hills of Williamstown, Kentucky, it reminded me of my Sunday Day Out with my house church, the one we took the week before last~ the one I keep telling you I'll tell you about!
I only have a few of the photos, and I don't have them with me; but, really, what I want to talk about doesn't really need the photos, so we'll go into it, now.
The Shabby Chic Farm
It started at a hobby farm~ my house church leader is a pro photographer of some renown (are you blushing, Michael?), and he and his lovely wife (you blushing, Marilyn?) invited us all to go with his photo class to a grill-out that would take place on this particular hobby farm. The farmer was a friend of one of the photo students, I believe. ~ are you with me so far?
When we got there, it was just as I had hoped~ plenty of the serene, timeless Williamstown scenery, good people, good food, and that Vintage/Found Style decorating everywhere. So cool.
We were all picture-takin' fools.
This guy had animals all over the place, and wonderful little areas for enjoyment, lots of photo-worthy vignettes ~ though looking around, we wondered how he ever had the chance to sit and just enjoy it all.
I ended up buying the pale blue and green eggs~ colors like something from the sea of long-ago, beautiful shades of great delicacy that I suspect won't show clearly on film.
(I've still got them in my fridge~ can't bear to crack them up and eat them)
But of course, I just had to try to get a photo of them, so in future, I'll post it, here.
That trip alone would've been enough, but we managed to top it, for me ~ one of the women there took us to "Our Lady's Farm", out in Falmouth.
Being a good Protestant girl, I'd never even heard of the place. Its devotion to Mary left me a little squirmy~ my beliefs have always focused with intense clarity on God alone (which includes all known and acknowledged aspects of God); so I wasn't into the Mary focus, but I was fine with it.
It's the thought that counts
I feel we all have our own unique, necessary paths to finding God, so I decided long ago to take it on faith that the interest in anything besides God would eventually lead to God.
There is something about a fervent faith in the divine notion that I feel is on the right track, something that God can grab hold of, eventually.
(Though I must admit, I'm a lot happier when someone is placing all their devotion and love squarely onto God!)
Agua Maria
This place even had Mary-fied water (I took a bottle!). I enjoyed that thought!
I can deal with Mary and her visits and her water~ no doubt she was a caring soul. I know if I myself had the opportunity to come down to Earth after my death and give you guys some wonder water, I'd do it.
So, it's no great stretch for me to accept the generosity of healing water they say is from her.
Anyway ~ although the air was full of Mary in that place, when we finally wandered behind the chapel, the open field beckoned us to look at the vast landscape spread out before us.
There was peace and beauty and q.u.i.e.t. that I could totally sink in with~ a quiet that spoke of the magnificent God behind it all~ an enchanting disregard for Time's passage that Williamstown's land does so well.
And when we all settled into silence of one accord as we looked out at the sky and rim of hills blueing into the distance, that was it for me.
You couldn't get much better than that.
These little blessings that you don't even see coming, these Moments of God, they're the life-changers under the skin, in the end.
03 July 2007
Promises, promises
Ok, I said I would tell you about my Sunday before last, when I went with my house church on a photo class' trip to a peacock hobby farm in Williamstown, and I will, but I haven't had much time, and I'm just now starting to trickle in some photos of it (I got a shot of the blue and green eggs I bought there, but haven't finished the film roll, yet), and this is one of those things where the telling shouldn't be rushed up, so it will have to wait.
Until then~ no blowing yourself or others up with those stupid fireworks!
I'll be going to my aunt and uncle's house in Williamstown for a family get-together, tomorrow.
Yay!
I pray we all have a safe and fun time this Independence Day ~
Ok, I said I would tell you about my Sunday before last, when I went with my house church on a photo class' trip to a peacock hobby farm in Williamstown, and I will, but I haven't had much time, and I'm just now starting to trickle in some photos of it (I got a shot of the blue and green eggs I bought there, but haven't finished the film roll, yet), and this is one of those things where the telling shouldn't be rushed up, so it will have to wait.
Until then~ no blowing yourself or others up with those stupid fireworks!
I'll be going to my aunt and uncle's house in Williamstown for a family get-together, tomorrow.
Yay!
I pray we all have a safe and fun time this Independence Day ~
02 July 2007
Manic Monday: Independence
(this will appear on both blogs)
I just finished reading "Blood of Flowers", and am feeling pretty weird, and pretty grateful for what I've got.
I have my independence.
I feel weird because this book reminded me that as a Single woman, there are things I miss~ I find myself often wondering why God is keeping romance/real love/marriage from me, I wonder if it's my fault, somehow. I wonder why I'm not given that blessing, to keep.
On the other hand, when I actually look at my life, I've been thoroughly enjoying it!
I'd grown up thinking that happiness can't be achieved without being happily married, but by this time in my life, I see there are many factors involved with a happy life. Looking around, I see that a happy marriage, though a great blessing, doesn't guarantee a happy life. And not having any marriage at all is better in this day and age than having a bad one! There is peace to be had that can't be had in a bad marriage....
I decided at some point in my distant past to work on myself, my inner character, my wholeness as an individual, while I was Single. It's a unique opportunity to form and develop my self, along my own unfettered guidelines, meeting only my own expectations~ doing it my way, yes, but with goals and aims that will benefit others. That way, if the right man comes along, I'll be a very good addition to his life~ and if no worthy man does come along, I'll be a whole person, as myself.
...Though I hope to always have at least a boyfriend/companion....! Two heads are better than one, yes, and it can often make me sad to think that I haven't been given that wonderful gift, but there are other gifts in my situation~ what price can be put on the freedom to be an individual of whole character?
This forced independence means that I am not a needy person, now, and I value the company of a good man more than I would've, had I always been married.~ Any man I have in my life gets a balanced, supportive partner, a partner that I hope is a blessing to him!
As the book pointed out to me, in this country, in this time, I can be a Single woman, make a living for my kids, not have to obey any guy, not live with daily indignities and not have to grovel at the feet of other people, just to survive. I can make my own decisions and marry whomever I want~ noone would be telling me to marry someone they chose for me!
Now, that's independence worth having!
(this will appear on both blogs)
I just finished reading "Blood of Flowers", and am feeling pretty weird, and pretty grateful for what I've got.
I have my independence.
I feel weird because this book reminded me that as a Single woman, there are things I miss~ I find myself often wondering why God is keeping romance/real love/marriage from me, I wonder if it's my fault, somehow. I wonder why I'm not given that blessing, to keep.
On the other hand, when I actually look at my life, I've been thoroughly enjoying it!
I'd grown up thinking that happiness can't be achieved without being happily married, but by this time in my life, I see there are many factors involved with a happy life. Looking around, I see that a happy marriage, though a great blessing, doesn't guarantee a happy life. And not having any marriage at all is better in this day and age than having a bad one! There is peace to be had that can't be had in a bad marriage....
I decided at some point in my distant past to work on myself, my inner character, my wholeness as an individual, while I was Single. It's a unique opportunity to form and develop my self, along my own unfettered guidelines, meeting only my own expectations~ doing it my way, yes, but with goals and aims that will benefit others. That way, if the right man comes along, I'll be a very good addition to his life~ and if no worthy man does come along, I'll be a whole person, as myself.
...Though I hope to always have at least a boyfriend/companion....! Two heads are better than one, yes, and it can often make me sad to think that I haven't been given that wonderful gift, but there are other gifts in my situation~ what price can be put on the freedom to be an individual of whole character?
This forced independence means that I am not a needy person, now, and I value the company of a good man more than I would've, had I always been married.~ Any man I have in my life gets a balanced, supportive partner, a partner that I hope is a blessing to him!
As the book pointed out to me, in this country, in this time, I can be a Single woman, make a living for my kids, not have to obey any guy, not live with daily indignities and not have to grovel at the feet of other people, just to survive. I can make my own decisions and marry whomever I want~ noone would be telling me to marry someone they chose for me!
Now, that's independence worth having!
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