I'm starting to post photos of my trip to the Cincinnati Flower Show on my other blog, so if you like gardens and/or photos, run on over and visit!
26 April 2007
Go there. Have fun.~
I'm starting to post photos of my trip to the Cincinnati Flower Show on my other blog, so if you like gardens and/or photos, run on over and visit!
I'm starting to post photos of my trip to the Cincinnati Flower Show on my other blog, so if you like gardens and/or photos, run on over and visit!
21 April 2007
A timeless prelude, out of chronology~ it stands on its own.
It stays.
The moon beckons me out,
And I am curious, unresisting.
The sky is ingratiatingly full of stars,
More than I have seen in years, drinking in what I could get.
The little dipper curls over my house,
I look for the Big ~ is that it, over there?
The moon a brilliant diamond~
Have I ever seen it so bright?
My residential neighborhood is quiet,
In that way it has ~ embedded,
Obeying the impulse, primordial level,
Of the cemetary's silencing call, nearby.
All graveyards have their insistent pull of quiet.
I sit with the trees and the sky
And connect to the timelessness of it all.
I lament that there is noone with me to share it with,
But I recall that it is only when alone
That I can sink in to such a scene so readily,
So deeply.
The presence of others divides my attentions.
So, I sit in my backyard,
And let it wash over me and through me.
I sit in wonder, moved by air I cannot describe,
Crisp and voluptuous, with secrets to keep,
It sits in patient impatience,
As a pew of souls awaits
The start of a sermon to speak.
Transfixed, baffled, almost frustrated
I sit in an experience that will elude me.
As though the trees and the sky and my soul
Share a language that excludes me.
The spirit knows things
That the transient mind cannot.
I sit in a song
I cannot learn~
I can only feel grateful
That it's there, at all.
I smell firewood burning,
Fresh soil,
The pregnant promise of Spring.
I am somehow reborn with it all.
Its mystery overtakes me,
Awes me,
And shapes me with its stamp.
I am renewed before I know it,
Laden with the perfume of the night,
The moon,
The stars,
The winds of Spring.
My soul has been defined.
It stays.
The moon beckons me out,
And I am curious, unresisting.
The sky is ingratiatingly full of stars,
More than I have seen in years, drinking in what I could get.
The little dipper curls over my house,
I look for the Big ~ is that it, over there?
The moon a brilliant diamond~
Have I ever seen it so bright?
My residential neighborhood is quiet,
In that way it has ~ embedded,
Obeying the impulse, primordial level,
Of the cemetary's silencing call, nearby.
All graveyards have their insistent pull of quiet.
I sit with the trees and the sky
And connect to the timelessness of it all.
I lament that there is noone with me to share it with,
But I recall that it is only when alone
That I can sink in to such a scene so readily,
So deeply.
The presence of others divides my attentions.
So, I sit in my backyard,
And let it wash over me and through me.
I sit in wonder, moved by air I cannot describe,
Crisp and voluptuous, with secrets to keep,
It sits in patient impatience,
As a pew of souls awaits
The start of a sermon to speak.
Transfixed, baffled, almost frustrated
I sit in an experience that will elude me.
As though the trees and the sky and my soul
Share a language that excludes me.
The spirit knows things
That the transient mind cannot.
I sit in a song
I cannot learn~
I can only feel grateful
That it's there, at all.
I smell firewood burning,
Fresh soil,
The pregnant promise of Spring.
I am somehow reborn with it all.
Its mystery overtakes me,
Awes me,
And shapes me with its stamp.
I am renewed before I know it,
Laden with the perfume of the night,
The moon,
The stars,
The winds of Spring.
My soul has been defined.
20 April 2007
Simplicity
Found this guy while blog-hopping. I think he was on a list of wabi-sabi blogs.
He's got 16+ laws of simplicity going on.
Plus a book, "The Laws of Simplicity".
Here's my favorite:
"...the intellectual approach to simplicity is to reduce details, whereas the intuitive approach to simplicity is to add subtlety. The beauty of subtlety is that it is usually weightless, hard-to-detect, and, by most accounts, invisible. In other words, it is the style of something gained from nothing. Thus we arrive at the eleventh law of simplicity:
Simplicity is about subtracting the obvious, while adding the meaningful."
I believe that when God takes something from us, He adds something meaningful, hard-to-detect, often invisible to those who don't actively look for it. Not only do they have to actively look for that meaningful, subtle simplicity, they have to believe that it's there and that God is good. Otherwise, they only find bitter ends to their "I knew it!" antagonisms. Life will pretty much morph into what you think it's going to look like.
For that matter, so will God. It kind of bugs me that He allows Himself to be so pliable in our minds, so open to our interpretations. We look to Him and see what we believe we'll see.
I just want God to be Godself, no matter what my mindset/preconceived notions are.
Can I break free of my own mind's constraints, and see even just a tiny part of God as God really is?
Beauty unveiled
But then again, there is something to be said for all the different aspects and insights about what God is like...
It only gets us into trouble when we begin to believe that our view of God is all that God is.
Found this guy while blog-hopping. I think he was on a list of wabi-sabi blogs.
He's got 16+ laws of simplicity going on.
Plus a book, "The Laws of Simplicity".
Here's my favorite:
"...the intellectual approach to simplicity is to reduce details, whereas the intuitive approach to simplicity is to add subtlety. The beauty of subtlety is that it is usually weightless, hard-to-detect, and, by most accounts, invisible. In other words, it is the style of something gained from nothing. Thus we arrive at the eleventh law of simplicity:
Simplicity is about subtracting the obvious, while adding the meaningful."
I believe that when God takes something from us, He adds something meaningful, hard-to-detect, often invisible to those who don't actively look for it. Not only do they have to actively look for that meaningful, subtle simplicity, they have to believe that it's there and that God is good. Otherwise, they only find bitter ends to their "I knew it!" antagonisms. Life will pretty much morph into what you think it's going to look like.
For that matter, so will God. It kind of bugs me that He allows Himself to be so pliable in our minds, so open to our interpretations. We look to Him and see what we believe we'll see.
I just want God to be Godself, no matter what my mindset/preconceived notions are.
Can I break free of my own mind's constraints, and see even just a tiny part of God as God really is?
Beauty unveiled
But then again, there is something to be said for all the different aspects and insights about what God is like...
It only gets us into trouble when we begin to believe that our view of God is all that God is.
19 April 2007
Let me paraphrase
I don't have the book with me, but it goes something like this:
"Healthy religion gives joy for what is, not anger for what isn't." - Richard Rohr
Yeah. That's cool.
Small world after all
I was wondering if someone in the Monday version of my Wednesday prayer group visits this blog ~ some members of my group were talking about how someone at the Monday group had suggested something like, "why not call God "Love", so we don't have to say 'he' or 'she'?"
If you remember (or do the scrolly thing and go down a few weeks' worth of entries, here), I wrote about that, experimenting with calling God "Love", and how "It" sounded fine when talking of Love, but didn't sound right to me when used to talk about God. To call God "It" ~ no. didn't work. God might not mind, but it just didn't work, for me.
How weird is it that someone from the other prayer group would bring that up? But maybe it's just natural to end up with that thought, as we study up on God, and ponder.
Still, I was amazed.
My Inner Brat is still alive and kickin' in there!
Hey! Someone was ripping off "my" thoughts,
and passing them off as their own!
'No fair!,' cried my Inner Brat, 'I want credit for my own stuff! Go get your own smartness!'
Do I gotta copyright everything I say, you thieving, ladder-climbing freaks?
:D
(I'm kidding, of course ~ you're not thieving, ladder-climbing freaks ~
just freaks! heehee!)
But really, now. Too incredible! The false self (you know, that part inside that wants to be the big, important, distinguished, looked-up-to guru of high value and power. An Honored and Decorated Official Member In Good Standing. Gimme the crown and flowing robe! It's all mine,mine,mine!) hits when you least expect it!
Back to the gender thingie
We can grasp the concept that Love is not a gender, It's beyond gender. And calling Love "It" doesn't seem odd, at all, or insulting, or anything negative like that. But calling God "It" was a little jarring to me. It sounded weird. It didn't flow.
I wonder why that is? Not that it really matters. God and Love are the same, no matter what, and that's the important part.
Box o' God
I like that the times are changing our view of God's balance of characteristics. I don't believe we'll be able to completely un-box our concepts of Him (heh. "him"), because of word limits, associations, and a fact that I just recently learned, myself~ that God is just too big for us to fully grasp, fully explain, fully describe, fully understand. We go snipe-hunting for proof that will support our notions.
I have no trouble seeing God as a Father and as a Mother to me~ a Parent. I adore and enjoy both sides of this Divine Creator, and am distressed to see how much mayhem this subject has caused. I can't see that it ever brings someone closer to God, to be tussling about the vileness of this gender, or the greatness of that gender, and which one should be in power, which one should be making up the biggest part of God, and who's going to Hell on a greased pole for believing differently.
I can see where some would have trouble with it all. I've heard enough bad talk about the destructive influences of Female Authority or Male Authority, as the case may be....
...and I have to say, give me some of that healthy religion that can find joy in the "is" of it all, the dual characteristics, the strong and tender, balanced perfectly in God!
Aftertaste
I resented something last night, and then again today, and knew both times that it wasn't the best way to go.
The resentment was an 'honest' emotion, in that it was the first emotion, and understandable for me to feel. But I believe that it shouldn't have been allowed to stick around in my head, once I'd pinpointed what it was that I was feeling, and why. There is no forgiveness in resentment. No humble servant 'tude, either.
I had the wherewithal to change my attitude/emotion ~ God was willing and able to help me change my attitude to a more giving, expansive, generous one.
But I did not choose to let Love work its influence over me, so my emotional response remained Resentment, a protection of the willful part of me, the part of me that wants to be perfectly-wonderful ~ and I feel its ill effects on me, still.
I took the low road~
You know, the frequently-traveled, well-worn one!
The one with more mud.
Mud vs. Light
To find out more about God, we have to align ourselves with the selflessness of the Unconditional Love that is God. We have to voluntarily forfeit our "rights", again and again and again. We have to be willing to set aside our own feelings, our fine self-image, our free will ~ give them over to Christ, out of love for Him.
(Soooo hard to do!)
Dying to self, in my view, is to die to this preoccupation with my own dignity, (ow!)
or my own position, (oof!)
or my inclination to indulge resentful feelings towards another, (yowch!)
or a wallowing self-pity, (groan)
or the self-protection called Fear, (eep!)
and all anger but the rare wrath that is truly righteous and God-driven (a very, very rare case, indeed~ most of the time, we get mad for selfish reasons).
By this time, I've come to believe that there's no room for much of these 'negative' emotions inside the heart taken up in surrender to a loving Christ, the heart that wants to be taken over completely by a beautiful God of Love, Light, and Spirit.
Life is simpler when you live like that, because you have fewer wearing/wearying emotions to range through, but the ones that you've got (peace, love, joy, patience, kindness, etc.), you feel more deeply, you spend more time feeling them for all they're worth, from your gut and soul.
Which has a disarming affect on how you see the world.
I don't have the book with me, but it goes something like this:
"Healthy religion gives joy for what is, not anger for what isn't." - Richard Rohr
Yeah. That's cool.
Small world after all
I was wondering if someone in the Monday version of my Wednesday prayer group visits this blog ~ some members of my group were talking about how someone at the Monday group had suggested something like, "why not call God "Love", so we don't have to say 'he' or 'she'?"
If you remember (or do the scrolly thing and go down a few weeks' worth of entries, here), I wrote about that, experimenting with calling God "Love", and how "It" sounded fine when talking of Love, but didn't sound right to me when used to talk about God. To call God "It" ~ no. didn't work. God might not mind, but it just didn't work, for me.
How weird is it that someone from the other prayer group would bring that up? But maybe it's just natural to end up with that thought, as we study up on God, and ponder.
Still, I was amazed.
My Inner Brat is still alive and kickin' in there!
Hey! Someone was ripping off "my" thoughts,
and passing them off as their own!
'No fair!,' cried my Inner Brat, 'I want credit for my own stuff! Go get your own smartness!'
Do I gotta copyright everything I say, you thieving, ladder-climbing freaks?
:D
(I'm kidding, of course ~ you're not thieving, ladder-climbing freaks ~
just freaks! heehee!)
But really, now. Too incredible! The false self (you know, that part inside that wants to be the big, important, distinguished, looked-up-to guru of high value and power. An Honored and Decorated Official Member In Good Standing. Gimme the crown and flowing robe! It's all mine,mine,mine!) hits when you least expect it!
Back to the gender thingie
We can grasp the concept that Love is not a gender, It's beyond gender. And calling Love "It" doesn't seem odd, at all, or insulting, or anything negative like that. But calling God "It" was a little jarring to me. It sounded weird. It didn't flow.
I wonder why that is? Not that it really matters. God and Love are the same, no matter what, and that's the important part.
Box o' God
I like that the times are changing our view of God's balance of characteristics. I don't believe we'll be able to completely un-box our concepts of Him (heh. "him"), because of word limits, associations, and a fact that I just recently learned, myself~ that God is just too big for us to fully grasp, fully explain, fully describe, fully understand. We go snipe-hunting for proof that will support our notions.
I have no trouble seeing God as a Father and as a Mother to me~ a Parent. I adore and enjoy both sides of this Divine Creator, and am distressed to see how much mayhem this subject has caused. I can't see that it ever brings someone closer to God, to be tussling about the vileness of this gender, or the greatness of that gender, and which one should be in power, which one should be making up the biggest part of God, and who's going to Hell on a greased pole for believing differently.
I can see where some would have trouble with it all. I've heard enough bad talk about the destructive influences of Female Authority or Male Authority, as the case may be....
...and I have to say, give me some of that healthy religion that can find joy in the "is" of it all, the dual characteristics, the strong and tender, balanced perfectly in God!
Aftertaste
I resented something last night, and then again today, and knew both times that it wasn't the best way to go.
The resentment was an 'honest' emotion, in that it was the first emotion, and understandable for me to feel. But I believe that it shouldn't have been allowed to stick around in my head, once I'd pinpointed what it was that I was feeling, and why. There is no forgiveness in resentment. No humble servant 'tude, either.
I had the wherewithal to change my attitude/emotion ~ God was willing and able to help me change my attitude to a more giving, expansive, generous one.
But I did not choose to let Love work its influence over me, so my emotional response remained Resentment, a protection of the willful part of me, the part of me that wants to be perfectly-wonderful ~ and I feel its ill effects on me, still.
I took the low road~
You know, the frequently-traveled, well-worn one!
The one with more mud.
Mud vs. Light
To find out more about God, we have to align ourselves with the selflessness of the Unconditional Love that is God. We have to voluntarily forfeit our "rights", again and again and again. We have to be willing to set aside our own feelings, our fine self-image, our free will ~ give them over to Christ, out of love for Him.
(Soooo hard to do!)
Dying to self, in my view, is to die to this preoccupation with my own dignity, (ow!)
or my own position, (oof!)
or my inclination to indulge resentful feelings towards another, (yowch!)
or a wallowing self-pity, (groan)
or the self-protection called Fear, (eep!)
and all anger but the rare wrath that is truly righteous and God-driven (a very, very rare case, indeed~ most of the time, we get mad for selfish reasons).
By this time, I've come to believe that there's no room for much of these 'negative' emotions inside the heart taken up in surrender to a loving Christ, the heart that wants to be taken over completely by a beautiful God of Love, Light, and Spirit.
Life is simpler when you live like that, because you have fewer wearing/wearying emotions to range through, but the ones that you've got (peace, love, joy, patience, kindness, etc.), you feel more deeply, you spend more time feeling them for all they're worth, from your gut and soul.
Which has a disarming affect on how you see the world.
18 April 2007
Share with your friends
I wrote this on my other blog, for Creative Writing Wednesday ~
might as well spread the love.....
Smells like a poem
The torrential silences
Of snow and ice are gone,
Packing their risky sparkles up
And leaving in a puff.
Spring is a tentative tide coming in,
Rolling in "on cat-like feet".
It feels safe to exhale.
Each year as the axis steers
The sun away from my garden,
Dimming days and long, odd nights of invading cold,
"Summer, we hardly knew ye",
But it always comes back again.
The hills burst forth
In Hot Lavender redbud blooms
On Spring Green grassy backgrounds,
A soft sheet that trips the mind
To light fantastics.
The earth says hello
In baroque, fresh tones.
We go for broke as the days grow long.
I wrote this on my other blog, for Creative Writing Wednesday ~
might as well spread the love.....
Smells like a poem
The torrential silences
Of snow and ice are gone,
Packing their risky sparkles up
And leaving in a puff.
Spring is a tentative tide coming in,
Rolling in "on cat-like feet".
It feels safe to exhale.
Each year as the axis steers
The sun away from my garden,
Dimming days and long, odd nights of invading cold,
"Summer, we hardly knew ye",
But it always comes back again.
The hills burst forth
In Hot Lavender redbud blooms
On Spring Green grassy backgrounds,
A soft sheet that trips the mind
To light fantastics.
The earth says hello
In baroque, fresh tones.
We go for broke as the days grow long.
16 April 2007
'Weigh Down' update
As I mentioned on my other blog, I weighed myself last Thursday (actually, because I wondered if I wasn't getting it right, and was possibly eating too much, which I'll explain in a bit), and found I'd lost 4 more pounds.
Wow. That was a VERY pleasant surprise!
My allergies have been masking my hunger pangs, while I was on Retreat, and also making me unsure as to when I'm comfortably full~ I've been eating when my blood sugar dips down noticeably, that's my only way of telling that I'm hungry!
I've been stopping when I 'sense' that I've had enough~ really not sure, my stomach just isn't able to give me a clear signal, with all this allergy stuff going on!
Happy Cows
And with a sudden change to cold, windy rain, for the last few days, my youngest and I have been feeling like eating everything in the house! It's been a real struggle to not just GRAZE like a cow, all day long!
I've done the best I could, under the circumstances, and was willing to cut back, if I found I hadn't lost any weight, perhaps gained some!
So, the 4 lb loss was wonderful to see! ~
I'm hoping I can keep this up through all these different little struggles....
(oh, help, God! help me build those healthy, natural habits, till they're second nature!)
As I mentioned on my other blog, I weighed myself last Thursday (actually, because I wondered if I wasn't getting it right, and was possibly eating too much, which I'll explain in a bit), and found I'd lost 4 more pounds.
Wow. That was a VERY pleasant surprise!
My allergies have been masking my hunger pangs, while I was on Retreat, and also making me unsure as to when I'm comfortably full~ I've been eating when my blood sugar dips down noticeably, that's my only way of telling that I'm hungry!
I've been stopping when I 'sense' that I've had enough~ really not sure, my stomach just isn't able to give me a clear signal, with all this allergy stuff going on!
Happy Cows
And with a sudden change to cold, windy rain, for the last few days, my youngest and I have been feeling like eating everything in the house! It's been a real struggle to not just GRAZE like a cow, all day long!
I've done the best I could, under the circumstances, and was willing to cut back, if I found I hadn't lost any weight, perhaps gained some!
So, the 4 lb loss was wonderful to see! ~
I'm hoping I can keep this up through all these different little struggles....
(oh, help, God! help me build those healthy, natural habits, till they're second nature!)
The Retreat:
It was baffling.
And yes, it resonated into something life-changing, inside. Now that I'm back with the hub of people, I saw this morning that my air and demeanor are different, quieter, possibly more dignified in spirit ~ I suppose because of all the time I spent being quiet, sitting in delicious silence, finding God. I hadn't noticed it, before. It isn't important enough to take much notice of.
How long this difference will last, who knows? I'll enjoy this centered quiet in me, while it's here.
It was challenging.
I kept wondering if I was blocking God from doing His thing, somehow standing in the way of His reaching me with that sweet, enveloping assurance that had been present, before, that impact I'd gone into this retreat feeling would be replicated on this one, as it had been on the Breakthrough Retreat.
But I found a section when I opened "New Seeds of Contemplation" that addressed my situation exactly~ that gave me the clear understanding I needed....I was not 'doing it wrong', I was simply getting to the part where God was letting me see that He's too big to grasp, even a little.
He allowed me to move beyond the comforting 'strength' of my inner faculties, to a state where I couldn't sense Him, the same way that I could before.
I still felt the presence of God in an offhand, always-there, gentlemanly-retiring sort of way, and that's really nice.
But when I concentrated on Him, and Rested in Him, being still and knowing He is God, and all that, there was a new wall up that was thoroughly perplexing.
Till I read Merton's explanation of it, I didn't know what to make of it, besides a guilt trip.
In this cloudy passage towards God, I've come to terms with parts of Him that are new to me~ His patience, I now know firsthand, through my heart and soul. I had heard of it, I believed in it, but this has shown me the Patience of God as I've never seen it, before. His beauty and creative genius (can we coach such a soaring spark into the form of the human word, "genius"?), I have sensed, albeit in a vague, emotive kind of way, a jumble of misty images and colors and sensations that nevertheless calmed me with the touch that comes only from God~ truly, the most recognizable, magnificent touch!
The thing I took with me
But the thing I seem to have taken with me is an almost desperate longing to 'recreate' the Beauty of God, the beauty I find in God, inspiring and tranquil and gracefully original, fresh, out-of-this-world-beautiful, bring it into the art forms and creative sparks that are at our disposal, in this life.
I yearn to be allowed to work with God to bring that sense of Divine Beauty to the world around me, my small little corner, in all my surroundings, throughout my life. I find myself begging Him to let me help Him show a little of His wonderfulness to my environment. I realize He could say "no", but for now, I have to pray for it, beseeching without let-up; this idea has taken over my thoughts. I can think of no better way to spend my life than to remind people in tangible ways of the perfections of God~ unreachable perfection, yes, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth striving to reach, to express for others what I see, as clearly as I can.
Can you imagine how fantastic it would be to spend your life, devote your whole life, to helping God/Love create expressions of pure Beauty~ the kind that gives the clear, strong, elusive sense of the unmistakable God?
But I know, with a sense of helplessness and hope, that without His help, every step of the way, it wouldn't work. I wouldn't be able to convey a sense of the Divine, all on my own.
I myself can't manufacture the epiphany of a manifest Holy Spirit.
But I've seen that it can be done. Love can become tangible in the air of a thing or a place or a person.
It would definitely be a generous, constantly giving movement of God, to be able to have that gift of conveying the Divine into 3D life for others to take and be inspired or encouraged by, so they would take that continuous step in life to get to know Him better....it exhausts me inside, yet I love the idea with a ferocity and desperate longing that won't be laid aside, so easily.
I pray against logic and reason and a humbling sense of my own unworthiness for this gift, because I have to pray for it.
It would be a new way to communicate my God to others, and my faith to God.
Right now, it's teaching me firsthand of the great power of a deep prayer over a small human spirit, and the ripe Goodness of a God who would allow such a pure hope to form in such a person~ whether He intends to give the gift, or not.
It was baffling.
And yes, it resonated into something life-changing, inside. Now that I'm back with the hub of people, I saw this morning that my air and demeanor are different, quieter, possibly more dignified in spirit ~ I suppose because of all the time I spent being quiet, sitting in delicious silence, finding God. I hadn't noticed it, before. It isn't important enough to take much notice of.
How long this difference will last, who knows? I'll enjoy this centered quiet in me, while it's here.
It was challenging.
I kept wondering if I was blocking God from doing His thing, somehow standing in the way of His reaching me with that sweet, enveloping assurance that had been present, before, that impact I'd gone into this retreat feeling would be replicated on this one, as it had been on the Breakthrough Retreat.
But I found a section when I opened "New Seeds of Contemplation" that addressed my situation exactly~ that gave me the clear understanding I needed....I was not 'doing it wrong', I was simply getting to the part where God was letting me see that He's too big to grasp, even a little.
He allowed me to move beyond the comforting 'strength' of my inner faculties, to a state where I couldn't sense Him, the same way that I could before.
I still felt the presence of God in an offhand, always-there, gentlemanly-retiring sort of way, and that's really nice.
But when I concentrated on Him, and Rested in Him, being still and knowing He is God, and all that, there was a new wall up that was thoroughly perplexing.
Till I read Merton's explanation of it, I didn't know what to make of it, besides a guilt trip.
In this cloudy passage towards God, I've come to terms with parts of Him that are new to me~ His patience, I now know firsthand, through my heart and soul. I had heard of it, I believed in it, but this has shown me the Patience of God as I've never seen it, before. His beauty and creative genius (can we coach such a soaring spark into the form of the human word, "genius"?), I have sensed, albeit in a vague, emotive kind of way, a jumble of misty images and colors and sensations that nevertheless calmed me with the touch that comes only from God~ truly, the most recognizable, magnificent touch!
The thing I took with me
But the thing I seem to have taken with me is an almost desperate longing to 'recreate' the Beauty of God, the beauty I find in God, inspiring and tranquil and gracefully original, fresh, out-of-this-world-beautiful, bring it into the art forms and creative sparks that are at our disposal, in this life.
I yearn to be allowed to work with God to bring that sense of Divine Beauty to the world around me, my small little corner, in all my surroundings, throughout my life. I find myself begging Him to let me help Him show a little of His wonderfulness to my environment. I realize He could say "no", but for now, I have to pray for it, beseeching without let-up; this idea has taken over my thoughts. I can think of no better way to spend my life than to remind people in tangible ways of the perfections of God~ unreachable perfection, yes, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth striving to reach, to express for others what I see, as clearly as I can.
Can you imagine how fantastic it would be to spend your life, devote your whole life, to helping God/Love create expressions of pure Beauty~ the kind that gives the clear, strong, elusive sense of the unmistakable God?
But I know, with a sense of helplessness and hope, that without His help, every step of the way, it wouldn't work. I wouldn't be able to convey a sense of the Divine, all on my own.
I myself can't manufacture the epiphany of a manifest Holy Spirit.
But I've seen that it can be done. Love can become tangible in the air of a thing or a place or a person.
It would definitely be a generous, constantly giving movement of God, to be able to have that gift of conveying the Divine into 3D life for others to take and be inspired or encouraged by, so they would take that continuous step in life to get to know Him better....it exhausts me inside, yet I love the idea with a ferocity and desperate longing that won't be laid aside, so easily.
I pray against logic and reason and a humbling sense of my own unworthiness for this gift, because I have to pray for it.
It would be a new way to communicate my God to others, and my faith to God.
Right now, it's teaching me firsthand of the great power of a deep prayer over a small human spirit, and the ripe Goodness of a God who would allow such a pure hope to form in such a person~ whether He intends to give the gift, or not.
06 April 2007
05 April 2007
It's that time of year, again
As I mentioned on my other blog today, I will be going on Retreat after Easter, next week, as has been my habit for the last couple of years, and so probably won't be online during that time. It's possible that I will, but let's say that it's doubtful. I like to zone in to what's going on in my spirit (and my 3D life) when I'm on vacation!
Eating update
I suppose because I've been so desperately clinging to God, it's been easy to keep from overeating. I hope this continues. I couldn't believe how little food it takes to make me feel full! I never knew I was overeating so much!
I hope this continues. Did I say that, already? Yeah, I know I did~ but I hope it continues!!
Since I resolved to weigh myself only once a month, to keep my focus off scale-slavery as much as possible, I don't know how much I've lost these past 6 days that I've been doing this Weigh Down program. But by now, I'm thoroughly convinced that this is right.
I will be continuing this way of eating, it feels very natural and freeing.
Great
A friend of mine was saying, "I believe God is going to do great things", when she was talking about her church's near future. I didn't say it, for fear she might find it impertinent, but the thought that came into my head was, "He's doing great things, already! He's doing them all the time, right under our noses, but we don't always see them!"
I didn't want to seem contentious or know-it-all-y, or like I was trying to correct her, because that's not how the statement made me feel inside, yet if I said it out loud, it could have seemed that way, to her.
I wasn't thinking it in order to disagree with her, it just suddenly occurred to me when she said it that He's doing great things even when we're not seeing them.
It doesn't always come in the form we expect or want it to be in. But it's there. We just have to keep our eyes and hearts open to seeing it. It's good to acknowledge God's work, even when He surprises us completely. To perceive Him behind something we weren't expecting or looking for is to have the heart of a true Follower of God~ open, and focused totally on Him. He's always doing something for us.
Which has turned out to be a cool thought to have floating around in my head! I really like it, and believe it to be true~ God's always doing something extraordinary, behind the scenes.
So many Christians look for a flaming revival of magnificent, even show-off proportions to appear in their church, in their nation, in the world. They want to see big displays of greatness applied to their lives. They pass by the murmur and whisper coming from the greatness of God, without reflection.
(What good would a big, sudden show of greatness do, anyway? If they're not changed by God's clear, true whisper, why should He give 'em a miracle?)
Many great things happen in Whoville
I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to experience on Earth the great power of the Holy Spirit sweeping through hearts and changing and changing and changing thousands upon thousands of people. But it's just as Right to praise God when the changes are tiny, or 'unimpressive', or temporary, or too deep to show clearly, or perhaps not even deciphered by the human eye, at all. Our faith cries out that the Lord gives an unending stream of Love and other great things to us~ in unseen currents, like nuances from Heaven. The God of Love surrounds us in fluid Grace and Greatness at all times, and is always planning and hoping and dreaming for the transformation of our souls.
Interior decorating
Being a creative type, and a Nester, and very female, I liken inner thoughts, personality and character to furniture and decor. :)
I choose what floats around in my head, what I go back to, again and again in my thoughts, during the day, the same as I choose what furniture is most comfortable or most useful to me. I color my outlook. I choose and arrange and create.
Unlike interior home decor, though, my inner landscape doesn't cost money, so there are really no boundaries to what I can do with it! It can become my own personal expression of 'what is beautiful, noble, real, gracious, authentic, true.' (Philippians 4:8)
And, as "the Message" translation says it, this puts me into God's harmonies. Definitely.
I am soooo not claiming that it's easy! Sometimes, I spend too much time thinking of things someone or other did that made me react negatively~
I heard some bad gossip yesterday, and it rumpled me up to have heard it, I was feeling indignant that the gossiper (a nice lady, on the whole) had spread something about someone else that was really not our business. I felt bad to have heard it, and wished that I hadn't.
That indignation and feeling of having been pushed through slime was on my mind a lot, afterwards. It takes resolve, and also a little time to absorb something, before we can set it aside into its rightful place in our thoughts.
I decided to figure out as clearly as I could what I was feeling, why I was feeling it, plus what I believed I should be feeling (such as forgiveness towards the gossiper); to take time to discern what was wrong about the situation, and how I should handle such a thing, in future, and then to set it aside, and not dwell on it. To forgive, and remember the lesson I garnered from the incident.
This kind of interior housekeeping is not always easy, but I find that if I think of it in "fun" terms, as an opportunity to create a beautiful environment to dwell in, inside my mind, it's easier.
And of course, letting God lend a helping hand, giving Him a room of His own to stay in, so to speak, is half the fun! God is really good at creating a beautiful area with the materials at hand! It's very inspiring when Love shares a suggestion!
Make Yourself at home, God~ this is Your home, too, I'm so glad You're here! Take the comfy chair. What do you think we should do with these walls?
I'm thinking lots of color, and bringing in as much pure light as possible; what do You think?
And I'd love to have some really stunning things around, to calm and beautify the place! I know You've got lots of stuff like that hanging around Your place, some really beautiful, gracious pieces~ can we put some of it in here?
I saw the lovely thing You put in here, last night ~ You're so generous, and I have to say, Your taste is flawless! It was a wonderful thought, and I knew it came from You, and I wanted to thank You for bringing it to me......
As I mentioned on my other blog today, I will be going on Retreat after Easter, next week, as has been my habit for the last couple of years, and so probably won't be online during that time. It's possible that I will, but let's say that it's doubtful. I like to zone in to what's going on in my spirit (and my 3D life) when I'm on vacation!
Eating update
I suppose because I've been so desperately clinging to God, it's been easy to keep from overeating. I hope this continues. I couldn't believe how little food it takes to make me feel full! I never knew I was overeating so much!
I hope this continues. Did I say that, already? Yeah, I know I did~ but I hope it continues!!
Since I resolved to weigh myself only once a month, to keep my focus off scale-slavery as much as possible, I don't know how much I've lost these past 6 days that I've been doing this Weigh Down program. But by now, I'm thoroughly convinced that this is right.
I will be continuing this way of eating, it feels very natural and freeing.
Great
A friend of mine was saying, "I believe God is going to do great things", when she was talking about her church's near future. I didn't say it, for fear she might find it impertinent, but the thought that came into my head was, "He's doing great things, already! He's doing them all the time, right under our noses, but we don't always see them!"
I didn't want to seem contentious or know-it-all-y, or like I was trying to correct her, because that's not how the statement made me feel inside, yet if I said it out loud, it could have seemed that way, to her.
I wasn't thinking it in order to disagree with her, it just suddenly occurred to me when she said it that He's doing great things even when we're not seeing them.
It doesn't always come in the form we expect or want it to be in. But it's there. We just have to keep our eyes and hearts open to seeing it. It's good to acknowledge God's work, even when He surprises us completely. To perceive Him behind something we weren't expecting or looking for is to have the heart of a true Follower of God~ open, and focused totally on Him. He's always doing something for us.
Which has turned out to be a cool thought to have floating around in my head! I really like it, and believe it to be true~ God's always doing something extraordinary, behind the scenes.
So many Christians look for a flaming revival of magnificent, even show-off proportions to appear in their church, in their nation, in the world. They want to see big displays of greatness applied to their lives. They pass by the murmur and whisper coming from the greatness of God, without reflection.
(What good would a big, sudden show of greatness do, anyway? If they're not changed by God's clear, true whisper, why should He give 'em a miracle?)
Many great things happen in Whoville
I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to experience on Earth the great power of the Holy Spirit sweeping through hearts and changing and changing and changing thousands upon thousands of people. But it's just as Right to praise God when the changes are tiny, or 'unimpressive', or temporary, or too deep to show clearly, or perhaps not even deciphered by the human eye, at all. Our faith cries out that the Lord gives an unending stream of Love and other great things to us~ in unseen currents, like nuances from Heaven. The God of Love surrounds us in fluid Grace and Greatness at all times, and is always planning and hoping and dreaming for the transformation of our souls.
Interior decorating
Being a creative type, and a Nester, and very female, I liken inner thoughts, personality and character to furniture and decor. :)
I choose what floats around in my head, what I go back to, again and again in my thoughts, during the day, the same as I choose what furniture is most comfortable or most useful to me. I color my outlook. I choose and arrange and create.
Unlike interior home decor, though, my inner landscape doesn't cost money, so there are really no boundaries to what I can do with it! It can become my own personal expression of 'what is beautiful, noble, real, gracious, authentic, true.' (Philippians 4:8)
And, as "the Message" translation says it, this puts me into God's harmonies. Definitely.
I am soooo not claiming that it's easy! Sometimes, I spend too much time thinking of things someone or other did that made me react negatively~
I heard some bad gossip yesterday, and it rumpled me up to have heard it, I was feeling indignant that the gossiper (a nice lady, on the whole) had spread something about someone else that was really not our business. I felt bad to have heard it, and wished that I hadn't.
That indignation and feeling of having been pushed through slime was on my mind a lot, afterwards. It takes resolve, and also a little time to absorb something, before we can set it aside into its rightful place in our thoughts.
I decided to figure out as clearly as I could what I was feeling, why I was feeling it, plus what I believed I should be feeling (such as forgiveness towards the gossiper); to take time to discern what was wrong about the situation, and how I should handle such a thing, in future, and then to set it aside, and not dwell on it. To forgive, and remember the lesson I garnered from the incident.
This kind of interior housekeeping is not always easy, but I find that if I think of it in "fun" terms, as an opportunity to create a beautiful environment to dwell in, inside my mind, it's easier.
And of course, letting God lend a helping hand, giving Him a room of His own to stay in, so to speak, is half the fun! God is really good at creating a beautiful area with the materials at hand! It's very inspiring when Love shares a suggestion!
Make Yourself at home, God~ this is Your home, too, I'm so glad You're here! Take the comfy chair. What do you think we should do with these walls?
I'm thinking lots of color, and bringing in as much pure light as possible; what do You think?
And I'd love to have some really stunning things around, to calm and beautify the place! I know You've got lots of stuff like that hanging around Your place, some really beautiful, gracious pieces~ can we put some of it in here?
I saw the lovely thing You put in here, last night ~ You're so generous, and I have to say, Your taste is flawless! It was a wonderful thought, and I knew it came from You, and I wanted to thank You for bringing it to me......
03 April 2007
Pet peeve
I'm not crazy about pithy sayings applied to spiritual beliefs. Really, the American Christians in particular have just about done pithy little slogans to death. I understand their desperation and honest hope of 'bringing in the Lost souls out there', but I dislike the Jesus-as-Sales-Pitch thing. Especially when they use the same accoutrements as the nearest Walgreens. Jesus is not a pre-packaged convenience item.
I'm making heroic efforts to pull in my tirade, because I don't want to criticize what I'm sure is an innocent, albeit rather tasteless, attempt at an attention-getting tool.
Ugh.
And I don't believe that a cute little sentence can emcompass even one small part of a Christ-following belief system! There is depth and mystery and timelessness to the tenets of Christ, in my opinion, and though I wouldn't care if they put him in jeans (the common touch), trying to bring him down to sound-byte size is usually a misled impulse, the better to make all the faithful sheep turn into parrots before our eyes, quoting the latest threadbare phrase, marinaded in its own cleverness, in a way that makes you know there is no real thought left behind it.
Catch-phrases are anathema to my, um, religion (such as it is) because I believe our relationship with God was meant to be more like handmade Tiffany stained glass, each one different, with layers of color and shape and a certain inherent meaning behind each one. We all have the ability to show Light differently, but beautifully.
Now, I'm going to send up my own philosophy, and tell you the pithy saying my brain came up with on me, yesterday. :D
Make the best of things in your life, and they'll make the best of you.
'Pity we've tarnished the concept of the pithy little saying.... that one isn't too bad, but you know that after it was said a bajillion times, and passed around from church to church, it would come out sounding completely unoriginal and idiotic.
But like many PLS (Pithy Little Sayings), I'm sure, this one came to be a PLS by accident, not design!
Really. :)
It popped into my head
(is it an original thought? do I even care?)
when I was thinking out the concept of believing that God puts us right where we're supposed to be, in our lives (though I think there are often opportunities that go unseen or are rejected by a person, opportunities that would make life better, more interesting, richer inside), for the good of our soul~ and I believe, on top of that, that a loving God has high hopes for us to enjoy our life, to have en-joy. Inner joy in our lives.
Despite the trials that will come.
But even lives that seem rather commonplace on the outset can have the polish and fire-like depths of a Love that won't destroy, even as it burns like a Light, white-hot and pure. As we give God more room in us and in our lives, our lives have more of all the Good things He has in Him~ Love, Light, Creativity, Spirit.
Renditions and imitations
Of course, those things are only great if they're not OUR version of them!
Every Good Thing has a False and a True, running around somewhere. God renders it all back into the True.
I think the unfortunate ones who turn to God in their pain are the ones who end up with the most of Him, you know? God is a generous God, intent on giving to us, always giving to us, hoping we'll fall in love with Real Love enough to give it back. People in pain who turn to Him are wide open, able to receive more of God than they might have, before.
And when the good times come, they have the capacity to enjoy it extra-more! :)
I'm not crazy about pithy sayings applied to spiritual beliefs. Really, the American Christians in particular have just about done pithy little slogans to death. I understand their desperation and honest hope of 'bringing in the Lost souls out there', but I dislike the Jesus-as-Sales-Pitch thing. Especially when they use the same accoutrements as the nearest Walgreens. Jesus is not a pre-packaged convenience item.
I'm making heroic efforts to pull in my tirade, because I don't want to criticize what I'm sure is an innocent, albeit rather tasteless, attempt at an attention-getting tool.
Ugh.
And I don't believe that a cute little sentence can emcompass even one small part of a Christ-following belief system! There is depth and mystery and timelessness to the tenets of Christ, in my opinion, and though I wouldn't care if they put him in jeans (the common touch), trying to bring him down to sound-byte size is usually a misled impulse, the better to make all the faithful sheep turn into parrots before our eyes, quoting the latest threadbare phrase, marinaded in its own cleverness, in a way that makes you know there is no real thought left behind it.
Catch-phrases are anathema to my, um, religion (such as it is) because I believe our relationship with God was meant to be more like handmade Tiffany stained glass, each one different, with layers of color and shape and a certain inherent meaning behind each one. We all have the ability to show Light differently, but beautifully.
Now, I'm going to send up my own philosophy, and tell you the pithy saying my brain came up with on me, yesterday. :D
Make the best of things in your life, and they'll make the best of you.
'Pity we've tarnished the concept of the pithy little saying.... that one isn't too bad, but you know that after it was said a bajillion times, and passed around from church to church, it would come out sounding completely unoriginal and idiotic.
But like many PLS (Pithy Little Sayings), I'm sure, this one came to be a PLS by accident, not design!
Really. :)
It popped into my head
(is it an original thought? do I even care?)
when I was thinking out the concept of believing that God puts us right where we're supposed to be, in our lives (though I think there are often opportunities that go unseen or are rejected by a person, opportunities that would make life better, more interesting, richer inside), for the good of our soul~ and I believe, on top of that, that a loving God has high hopes for us to enjoy our life, to have en-joy. Inner joy in our lives.
Despite the trials that will come.
But even lives that seem rather commonplace on the outset can have the polish and fire-like depths of a Love that won't destroy, even as it burns like a Light, white-hot and pure. As we give God more room in us and in our lives, our lives have more of all the Good things He has in Him~ Love, Light, Creativity, Spirit.
Renditions and imitations
Of course, those things are only great if they're not OUR version of them!
Every Good Thing has a False and a True, running around somewhere. God renders it all back into the True.
I think the unfortunate ones who turn to God in their pain are the ones who end up with the most of Him, you know? God is a generous God, intent on giving to us, always giving to us, hoping we'll fall in love with Real Love enough to give it back. People in pain who turn to Him are wide open, able to receive more of God than they might have, before.
And when the good times come, they have the capacity to enjoy it extra-more! :)
02 April 2007
Did you notice?
I just realized over the weekend that I've picked up the habit of saying, '360°', instead of the correct '180'.
But 360 just sounds so much better for making the point of 'a complete turnaround'!
Ah, well.
A little more on the spiritual battle of weight
I started reading "The Weigh Down Diet" this weekend. Its methods are Christian-based, so might not be everyone's cup of tea. But the Christian dependence on prayer to the God of the bible is what makes me really like it!
Maybe there are "Weigh Down" books for people of other belief systems? I'd hate to think someone could use this info, yet won't find it, because of the doctrine of this book.
The premise is simple, and not really a 'diet', for all of you who haven't read or heard of the book: eat when you have hunger pangs, eat slowly, having your drink between bites, and stop eating when you are "politely full". Don't eat when you don't have the hunger signal, and don't drink anything but non-caloric things like water or diet soda between meals, so you won't be keeping your blood sugar hoisted up, which will mask your hunger signal.
This totally takes prayer to do! To not eat a piece of chocolate, when you're not hungry but WANT a piece of chocolate..... argh!
And when you're in the habit of overeating, eating because it's "dinner time" or when you're not hungry.......it's really hard to stop that habit, and learn to listen to your own body signals, and love food a little less.
Anyway. If it sounds good to you, go on and get the book, it has lots more details and helpful info in it, and come back here when you're finished reading it. :)
Actually, if you'd like to email me about your experiences with it, go ahead~ I'd love to hear your story!
I'm giving "Weigh Down" a chance because it sounds like a very reasonable and natural way of eating, though the author takes it farther and poo-poos any thought of harmful toxins in our modern food, saying we can eat anything edible.
She has a right to her opinion of the inherent goodness of things that aren't wholly synthetic (for instance, she's against saccharine), and I will respect that opinion.
But I would still like to go towards more-natural, wholesome foods.
Also~ and this is probably the biggest factor~ I'm trying this method because I know from observation that people who eat like that really do stay trim. My grandma ate like that, and she never gained any weight, her whole life! Down towards the end, she was actually underweight, when her appetite failed. The rest of the time, she was the same dress size, very slender, her ideal weight. She told me in the last months of her life that she never had gained weight, always stayed the same weight, when she wasn't pregnant.
Can you imagine being your ideal weight, all your life?
I've got a photo of her posing with us when I was a baby, and she had on this elegantly sexy leopard print sheath dress, with a figure that was worthy of that dress! You go, Grandma!
Pray
I really like the emphasis on prayer, leaning on God, keeping God in the process. That's very cool. I know I won't make it without Divine Help, so if you would say a prayer for me on this...? That would be great!
And I'll keep you in my prayers, all you dear, unknown or known readers!
I just realized over the weekend that I've picked up the habit of saying, '360°', instead of the correct '180'.
But 360 just sounds so much better for making the point of 'a complete turnaround'!
Ah, well.
A little more on the spiritual battle of weight
I started reading "The Weigh Down Diet" this weekend. Its methods are Christian-based, so might not be everyone's cup of tea. But the Christian dependence on prayer to the God of the bible is what makes me really like it!
Maybe there are "Weigh Down" books for people of other belief systems? I'd hate to think someone could use this info, yet won't find it, because of the doctrine of this book.
The premise is simple, and not really a 'diet', for all of you who haven't read or heard of the book: eat when you have hunger pangs, eat slowly, having your drink between bites, and stop eating when you are "politely full". Don't eat when you don't have the hunger signal, and don't drink anything but non-caloric things like water or diet soda between meals, so you won't be keeping your blood sugar hoisted up, which will mask your hunger signal.
This totally takes prayer to do! To not eat a piece of chocolate, when you're not hungry but WANT a piece of chocolate..... argh!
And when you're in the habit of overeating, eating because it's "dinner time" or when you're not hungry.......it's really hard to stop that habit, and learn to listen to your own body signals, and love food a little less.
Anyway. If it sounds good to you, go on and get the book, it has lots more details and helpful info in it, and come back here when you're finished reading it. :)
Actually, if you'd like to email me about your experiences with it, go ahead~ I'd love to hear your story!
I'm giving "Weigh Down" a chance because it sounds like a very reasonable and natural way of eating, though the author takes it farther and poo-poos any thought of harmful toxins in our modern food, saying we can eat anything edible.
She has a right to her opinion of the inherent goodness of things that aren't wholly synthetic (for instance, she's against saccharine), and I will respect that opinion.
But I would still like to go towards more-natural, wholesome foods.
Also~ and this is probably the biggest factor~ I'm trying this method because I know from observation that people who eat like that really do stay trim. My grandma ate like that, and she never gained any weight, her whole life! Down towards the end, she was actually underweight, when her appetite failed. The rest of the time, she was the same dress size, very slender, her ideal weight. She told me in the last months of her life that she never had gained weight, always stayed the same weight, when she wasn't pregnant.
Can you imagine being your ideal weight, all your life?
I've got a photo of her posing with us when I was a baby, and she had on this elegantly sexy leopard print sheath dress, with a figure that was worthy of that dress! You go, Grandma!
Pray
I really like the emphasis on prayer, leaning on God, keeping God in the process. That's very cool. I know I won't make it without Divine Help, so if you would say a prayer for me on this...? That would be great!
And I'll keep you in my prayers, all you dear, unknown or known readers!
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