Darla,
I sang solos and the like in churches for years~ the thought of going back to that is not an appealing idea, right now, due to the constrictions I found in that environment. I basically burnt out on the rules.

Ironic that both you and I don't like the Christian radio songs, when we're both in the demographic it caters to!
But often, when I'm listening to a CCM radio station, I'll turn to another station, because of the maudlin, untouching, formulaic songs that come on it.

I've long suspected that people sing these songs not because they actually feel it or can relate to it, but because they aspire to feel it or relate to it.

To be honest, I automatically think, right off the bat, that the person singing the song doesn't truly believe what they're singing~ they end up having to 'convince' me, by the way they handle the song, by the level of authenticity they bring to the words, that they actually mean it. I guess we're all a little jaded by the way things go, in the Christian ghetto.

Make it real or get off the stage
I'm tempted to say that if you don't really feel it, you shouldn't sing it ~ although I realize that God often calls people to do things they're not wholeheartedly investing themselves in....
but still, hearing someone sing either about Christian love or revolution with a voice that seems a bloodless, unconvincing acting-out of the lyrics turns my stomach.

In my own opinion, this passion and belief can come through any instrument tuned to the key of God~ you don't have to sound like Bono to pass muster, on this. You don't even have to be a great singer or musician, though I think it sure helps. You don't have to be pitch-perfect, a flawless example, in either music or your spirituality!
You just have to be real-enough and feel your beliefs deeply enough for it to come through. In fact, for me, the struggles I hear inside a person's sacred-themed music are often the watermark for true belief talking to me, because a real Christian walk pits your shins and knees with scrapes and scars, and I want to see that. I want both the sublime joy that God gives and the nicks Earthly life gives!

The only reason I'm still making music (or even writing!) is because I feel in my gut that I might be able to express what I feel and think about God and all the other things in a way that is unique to my own beliefs~ in a genuine way. If I decide at some point that I'm not getting that across, I'll stop, and go find a creative outlet or talent or gift I can do that will somehow reflect God's glory and grace as I've been allowed to experience it.
We each have a different, unique experience of that~ can you imagine how it would be if the world got down on their knees to that effort, and started expressing their own experiences of/with God?

And frankly, that's the goal I think everyone should have~ to do with their talents only those things that sing of the genuine, of their true passions.

I vote for people doing this stuff who really mean it!

Bliss
Joseph Campbell wrote that we need to follow our bliss, unafraid~ I even have that quote on my bulletin board at work, one of many quotes on pictures that I found worthy of constant exposure in my little corner of the world.

What surprises me still is how hard it is, first to believe and then to remember that God is reallyreally our bliss.
....I suppose because our 'God-shaped hole inside us' is so unknowable in its form, and God is so unknowable in His form, the two don't seem to meet.

And this is one of those things that good God-followers repeat to each other like parrots, "God is what we need; we need God most"~ repeating it no doubt in hopes of fathoming it, or perhaps seeming to fathom it, like the concept of Jesus loving us~ like, for-real loving us, a solid, solid, no-fooling-around kind of unconditional, not-gonna-be-shaken type love. Who can swallow that thought whole?? Not many can believe that enough to live it out.
It's a big idea and a big ideal to us mere mortals, locked in our coil.

Looping
So, we repeat it to each other, to ourselves~ in the darks of night, we whisper it within narrow city walls, cloaking ourselves against the fears, under cool stars lofted high above our troubled existence. We hold it fast in our hands, trying to absorb each bead of prayerful thought, trying to make it our own; we rattle them and hold their warmth close, hoping to make it true for ourselves, trying to make it true enough to live it.

Does repetition work? I ask that question, not to answer it, but to chew on it.
Does it work?
I have my doubts, but maybe it does.
And is any attempt too great to indulge in, if it shines with a real hope of sending us straight into God's arms?

First flights
It wasn't till I made the rather clumsy attempts to be open to God's churning, gentle, deft movements of grace that I could begin to learn the things that can only be learned firsthand~ Heartspeak, from Godheart to mine.

The Great Artisan
He moves these bits of knowledge in me, of Real Love and Forgiveness and Trustworthiness in His power; tiny, folded corners, fine enough to reach in me without destroying anything that I have left remaining, between us~ my barriers of ignorant self-protection against my Creator, my legacy of Doubting Thomas, the fears I have placed against God.

He works around these, taking the room I give Him to work in~ no more, and no less than what I give Him to take in me. Ever the gallant gentleman towards me, He slowly gains my trust as I slowly gain my footing in this new and wonderful world under His wing.

With more than a little of His help, I've been able to open my heart to His will, and try to keep it open as best I can.
Surrender comes down bitter-hard, but becomes sweet very quickly. To give in to God soon reveals itself to be the deepest blessing, one I'm thankful for, this Christmas season, one I hope with all my being will stay with me, because I have a lot of work still to do, in my interior landscape.

Think I'll get it?
That's my New Year's wish~ to continue moving towards this bliss. Having been allowed to discern that it comes directly from God, I want very much to continue this acquaintance with this God I'm discovering anew. My lifetime of churchgoing and bible study is a strong foundation, there for me to climb onto, there to build on. I suspect I will never be through with getting to know God/Love better.

And that's an exciting thought! Think of what discoveries are still to be made! When each discovery is more exquisite than the last, there is little to fear in stepping towards the Lord.

This mortal coil
I was watching a bit of "What Dreams May Come", last night, before going to bed. A last look at the world before sleeping should be a beautiful one!

I considered not writing about this, because I'm sure there is a storm of controversy about the view of the Afterlife found in this movie, and bringing it up is not what I'm interested in.
Since I've never been dead, I can't claim to be an authority on how the Afterlife works, so I can tolerate and even ponder a different vantage point from our 'norm'.

No, I wanted to talk about the truly stunning visual effects:



I'm a sucker for the visuals of this movie. Just look at that color!

Better than Technicolor
It may be that the storyline is an unorthodox take on Heaven, Hell ('Gehenna', I think was the word the bible used), Hades ("the netherworld"), death, love, and God. But the visions they've created are so ethereal, so vivid and breathtakingly beautiful, it really did turn my thoughts towards God and Heaven.
I took a moment to ponder how it might be, to be totally and completely There with God, awash in the stunning beauty only God could claim to have around Him.
This movie made me think of God's limitless glory, all the things He could do with His power and knowledge and taste and peerless creative genius. I daydreamed about being in all that with God.

And anything that makes me think of God like that is A-OK, in my book!

Grateful for it
An aside~ I heard that the scenes shot in Switzerland were often untouched by editing~ that that's what Switzerland in that area (Lake Geneva, I believe) really looks like.

I was amazed and even gratified to see that they could rival any vision of Heaven our artists could dream up ("not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these." ~ Matthew 6:29). God gave us a few scenes of ethereal beauty, here on Earth! A foretaste of Heaven.~

Tranquil moment
This rainbow greeted me as I was nearing home, as a fiery sunset went from amber, to peach, then pale gold ~ by the time I got to my porch, the rainbow was getting brighter.

It looooomed overhead~
highly enjoyable~








As the sunset faded into pinks and grays, the birds began to fly around and chatter, as they do every evening.





Peace, everyone~

Merry Christmas, darling~



I love the romanticism of most Christmas decorations~ this is another photo of our tree, back when I was a teenager.

When my dad was in the antiques business, I collected fans. One Christmas, they gave me this fan ornament that you can see here, which I still have.

....Every time I look at this picture, I think of Karen Carpenter singing, "Merry Christmas, Darling"....

I don't want it to be over
This is probably the first year I've still got shopping to do, so late in the season.
But my goal was to be tranquil and to enjoy the Christmas season, so my shopping has been of a leisurely pace. I wanted to take enough time to savor it all.

Today, after work, while my kids are at my parents', I will be going to the shopping plazas just down the road from my neighborhood, and hit a few stores~ Best Buy, Sears, GameStop, the candle warehouse (I always forget its name)... all in the same general area, so I don't look for it to be too hard on me.

There will I finish my Christmas shopping, and there will I take a moment or two to soak in the silvery air of Christmastime.....

Edelweiss~
I suspect I won't be on here again till after this is all over, on Wednesday~ so let me wish you and yours a glowing, golden, beautiful-memory-making Christmas!

May you have peace~













Light a candle against the dark
Hold it high, and know
Light conquers darkness, everytime
And my prayers go with you, here.

Light a candle against the dark
Hold it high, and know.
~ Christine of Epiphany

Enigma
To be born with an innate wisdom means that you ponder things to the point that you seem old as a child, compared to all the other children~ but then seem progressively younger, as those around you dim with age~
and yet, you never feel very wise at all.

There is the crux of the deal~ it's only through the reactions of others that you have even a hint of your own wisdom, because to be wise means you don't believe you are at all.

Here it comes
My theory: wisdom is a bit of God, and so when we own it, it's so much an integral part of us, as God is, we can't see it ~ we can only see the greater wisdom it's connected to. We see the Wisdom that renders us foolish.
Good thing~ just think how insufferable we would be, if we knew how wise we were!

I grew up believing that Wisdom is a valuable trait, because of the bible's teachings on its worth~ I've watched others closely who seemed to have it; I considered their ways. I guess I was hoping to catch on to how I could go about getting it!
I gathered enough information to make a profile....

With wisdom comes a thoughtful brain, one who thinks things over carefully. There is usually something processing, in the wise mind. Their conclusions always have at least a grain of hope to them; because, wisdom being connected to God, hope is obviously going to be there.

That same wisdom, as you grow older, helps you to enjoy the little things in life~ thereby giving you the rep of growing younger all the time.

"Child-like"~ not "childish"!
You can take enormous pleasure in the dewdrops in the sun; your day is set, because you saw them twinkle.
You can rhapsodize over the box of lemon drops you picked up for a snack, how they zing in your mouth, all sugar and tang. These things matter a lot, to the wise.

Dewdrops and lemon drops, wherever you find your pleasure, the soul of wisdom delights in the little things in life, whether it reaches into intelligent wisdom or spiritual wisdom or the 'animal wisdom' Thoreau wrote of.
Through these symptoms, you can know that you have the signs of wisdom.




Second thoughts
I almost erased this whole post, figuring it would either cause a storm of arrogance in others, as they gave themselves kudes for being so wonderfully wise, or would cause too much confusion in others (which I suppose it might), or would make me look really arrogant, myself ('who is she to tell us what's wise? who does she think she is, Queen Solomon?').

Is my crown on straight?
It may well be that I'll look more arrogant than helpful, in this entry, but I'm obviously going to sacrifice any good image I might have goin' on with you people, because God is nudging me to publish this, 'as is' ~ and He's got bigger and better plans than helping me keep a good form going in the public eye!

I'll just go pull a 'Merton', and yell/cuss at intruders while wearing nothing but my underwear....that's somehow a lot more honest than working on a crackless public image.

I know He's there when
I know God is here when my fear of spiritual heights
And fear of spiritual fallings
Leave me.
When I don't seem to care about
Anything else but Him.
When I want to do nothing
But bask in His glow,
Or when I sense that
vast,
mysterious
Emptiness surrounding me,
I know God is here.
When the magical happens,
And there is holiness all through it,
I know He's there.
When the debates and arguments,
Disharmonies
The world pivots on
Matter not at all,
I know God is here.
When all is right with the world,
And it's not doing anything in particular
To seem so right to me,
When it all seems to fit together in a
Seamless,
simple,
perfect
weave,
The Lord is there with me.
When I see your eyes light up
And hear your voice go radiant,
warm,
And your thoughts seem to be
Away from me
And yet bringing me in to share,
I know God is there.
When things work out
In impossibly brilliant ways,
Defying all prediction
Of doom and defeat,
I know God is there.
When light turns to gold,
And neighbors unite,
Kindred spirits, all~
Surely,
Surely
The Lord is in this place.
When sweetness is fresh,
Voluptuous,
Whole,
Complete,
Genuine,
He is here.
When kindness seems
An echo
Of what lies beneath Creation,
He is smiling at us,
He is there with us,
He is here.
I can lift my hand up to the light,
And reach the cusp of
Intoxication
In what I see,
And know that He is here
With me,
Showing me,
Revealing His thought of the world
As it should be.
When my heart thumps strong
At the drop of a word
From a fellow Worshiper of Him,
And I see Him working
Behind those words,
He is too close to see!
When reflections around me
Alone show me His face,
I realize:
As I can't see my own face
Without a reflection
Revealing it to me,
So I can't see God,
Who is so close,
Too close,
Too close
For me to see.

Catch a falling star
I was going to tell you what I saw this morning~ on reading over my last post, about the truck or asteroid doing me in, this gives a whole new light to the event, one that amuses me...!

I saw a meteor or something, on my way to work. My boss said he saw it, too~ so I wasn't imagining it!

It was quite close, rather large, and very bright; burning out, apparently, before it hit ground. There were no stars left to be seen in the dawning light, so it wasn't your normal shooting star.
It was going East of I-71, a white fire streaking across the sky, and I felt lucky to have seen it~ one can never see too many shooting stars, etc.!

What a cool blessing, first thing in the morning!

Making it last
Enjoying my time here in the glow that God is so kind to give me ~

...It's raining, and the light is making all the whites outside visually pop, to the eye.
Fascinating... light is an amazing thing.

I can easily be content~ I have nothing right now that I simply must worry about or solve....
my thorn is a slight need for reprogramming, a pouty inner attitude about going on errands, today after work.

I don't want to go~ it's raining, and I've been sick! I'm kinda tired, dang it.
But the kids want me to go~ they've been waiting patiently for me to buy certain odds and ends for them, things I'm sure I won't be able to find all in one place, sigh.)

It comes down to the attitude, the perspective. A lot of things come down to that.
My inner cavewoman wants to go home and hole up, ignoring as much of the housework as possible, feed the kids leftovers, and get myself fully recovered from my bout with the stuffy head (the only remaining symptom being a fatigue). One more evening for my recuperation. Just one more....

My inner brat wants to be spoiled and lazy, and just go home and read a book, take over the tv and watch a movie... stay out of the rain, get really comfortable~ have things MY way!

My inner spirit (sigh) tells me to straighten up and fly right, suck it up, just deal, do the right thing and stop whining about it inside.
A couple of stops after work and a little rain hitting me should NOT take away from the beauty of this day, because this particular day won't come my way, again.

The potential is there for it to be a fine, lovely time.
So, what am I gonna do about it? Let it be ruined, on account of a little responsibility? A few expectations from the offspring?
Come now, I can do this!
(and the inner cavewoman mumbles under her breath, 'oh, sure, and if a truck runs over me because the driver can't see me in all this rain, or if I catch my death of a cold and like, die, I will rue the day I wrote this fair-thee-well, flighty stuff!')

Be still
But I resist my instinct for self-preservation, and try to take the high road~ it is not a hard fate. It will be done soon enough. Maybe all the items can be found at the hypermart near my home; I could stop off there, and see.

The eternal optimist in me will not be denied~ I've seen too much of the world to discount small favors from God.
It may well be that He'll help me get it all in one trip.
It may well be that He'll keep me from being squashed by a truck, or dying of rain-induced pneumonia!

And if He doesn't help out that much, He's still Good.
And if God is still Good, than all is essentially right with the universe.
My suffering or death would certainly not be proof of a God gone bad!

"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances" (Philippians 4:11)
or otherwise known as:
"I like gruel!"
There is every reason for me to enjoy this moment, to be content with Right Now. I'm in pretty good health, not in pain, my kids are great, they have their health, too; I have the cutest grandbaby in the whole world, and life is good. I have many blessings.
...It all goes so fast, before I know it, they'll be grown, and things will have changed...

I want to look back at this passage in my life with the understanding that I enjoyed it to the fullest extent that it deserved; that I appreciated it with tenderness and clarity, fully aware of how lucky I am to have been given so much of God's love, when I've done so little to deserve His warm, ever-alert affection.
I can say joyously, along with Oswald Chambers, that I, too, am one of God's spoilt bairns.
Even if I get run over by the truck, or hit by a renegade asteroid, or ushered out of this life by some such unpredictable event, I can leave with the realization that I've been thoroughly cosseted by God, while here!

Puny-pie
If you read my home/garden blog first, you know that I've got a stuffy head.
.....Oooohh, my inner landscape is all snottyyyy.....

Not that I want to be like this, but yeah, I can see that I'm not as miserable as I should be, because of God being so nice to me.
He's good to have around, you know?
A comfort.
I wouldn't have this patience, otherwise.

Just wait till that Sudafed and Coca-cola (to calm my tummy) really kick in together! ~ I'll be loopy as all-get-out!

I read in bed
I was reading "Practicing the Presence", Bro. Lawrence, yesterday; he was telling about how God is always first in his thoughts~ always. And when something else tried to intrude, all he had to do was turn to God, he could feel the not-about-God thought coming and he would remedy it by just turning to God, and it would disappear.
How cool is that? I wish I could do that!

My inner landscape terrain
You've heard me describe the beautiful landscapes and nature scenes I've been seeing~ mostly, I've written of them as an indirect way of telling you about what's going on in my inner landscape.

I've found it harder to be able to tell others about it, without them misunderstanding, or getting thoroughly confused. Just to be able to express the beauty I'm seeing through these new eyes is the greatest relief; I don't want to confuse you with hazy, abstract details....

God in me and me in God
It was not my goal to disappear into God~ I believed He created me as a distinct personality, an individual finely drawn, for His love to specify. "There is my little Christine."
And I hoped that God would say that with a smile, with a warm tone thrumming through it.

I felt that we were like stained glass windows~ the light of God shining through is what made us more distinctly ourselves, full of passion and exquisite fire and color, the shadows diminished~ our true selves.
I believe that, still.

A finer mix
I'm not sure when it began, but at some point, I no longer cared to be the Individual. I no longer wanted to be The Lit-Up, God-defined Version of Myself.
The aim and the wish have become: To be less myself, and more of an outlet for the heart of God to speak through. I don't care if there is any of the individual 'me' left, in the mix.

I realize that to many of you, such a thought has no comfort or attraction in it. You want to be YOU, the best you that God made and intended you to be, right?
I understand that. It's far easier to explain that impulse than to explain what motive I'm floating in, now.

I want to forget myself in a flow of God's love not because I like myself any less~ I don't.
I like myself more, and it's a solid foundation of liking, built on the goodness of God, rather than any illusionary 'greatness' of me!
No, I want to forget myself only because God's love is so much nicer to have in me~ the stronger the better. And "I the Willful" can tend to get in His way!

I've learned to accept my icky nature, while standing before God's sweet, lusciously perfect presence, a pristine presence that makes my own being seem so....tacky and imcomplete.

And at first, that was hard to cope with. I wanted to be better, for God and for myself and for others. For the good of the whooooooollllllle universe, I wanted to be more like Jesus!

But He soon had me in-knowledge enough to get me to understand that This is the way it is, the way it's supposed to be; and all things will come when they're supposed to, in this faith-based trusting land of our Creator on which I stand. Being God, He can use my faltering weaknesses to the good of showing His own stalwart, steady grace and perfection, a perfection that makes me breathless.

Come with me, my love
Because of God's excellent work, I love myself, with the same love given me to love God and others. That love has spread itself, and God has been refining it and strengthening it, as much as is possible, given my imperfect nature. The love becomes not so much a direction, pointing at certain individuals and objects; it becomes a sea of love, just like in the song, a sea that all are washed in, in my eyes. I'm caught up in this tide, and don't wish to be freed of it.

More to the point, I find that as I let His love come through more, with less diluting and filtering through my own willfulness, that I actually love more, life is more, more of everything good.

(And yes, it is hard to surrender to God and let that happen~ but it gets easier, and the incentive is there, because I see how much better things are when I let God be Love through me.)

Ain't sceered
I have no fear of this Disappearing into God that I've talked about. I'm certain that, rather than becoming less myself, I'll end up seeming more like myself, my own person, in His care.

As it is, I let God have more room in me, a stronger, clearer passage through my heart and mind of His grace and lovingness (is that a word? it is now). I struggle to set myself aside, so that nothing of my 'false self', my selfish, self-protecting nature, disrupts the flow.

But the struggle becomes less of a struggle, all the time, as I see how wonderful it is to live with a conquered self-will and a giving heart plugged into God.

Winter Wonderland is here!



The snow hit this morning as many of us were driving to work~ 3 of my coworkers slid off the road at the same point, and into the same field; and I wondered how I had escaped such a fate, when I went over that part of the road.

I know it wouldn't be beautiful if it were really unsafe, but as it is, I think the snow looks wonderful.~

This morning, it was quite blasting, and the trees looked like looming, hazy shadows around me.
All the birds have been fluffing themselves out into little, round, feathery balls; so cute, I can't get enough of looking at them!

Photoplay
I was sent outside with the nice company camera to take some photos of our building in the snow~ and later, in the sunlight and snow. Can't beat that, for beauty!
I loved it ~ taking photos as part of my job? Way too fun!

This evening is our company Christmas dinner. The bosses go all out, really, giving lots of door prizes, a great meal in a posh restaurant, and they love to have all of us able to be there; so I'm hoping we'll have clear roads there and back home, tonight.

Other-wheres
I admit, my contemplative soul would rather be somewhere trooping through silent, snowy fields lined with somber, wise old evergreens, tonight, a winding scarf hiding my nose and the lower half of my face from the cold, my hat pulled low, so that all you could see would be my eyes and a curl or two escaping from my wraps.
With the cloudy sky and snowy ground lighting up the night, I would go out seeking glimpses of the special bits of ephemeral beauty God lays out there for us to find.

If my kids deigned to go with me into the rugged cold, the middle one would walk very fast, just for fun, and the youngest one would giggle that she couldn't put her arms down, just like Ralphie's little brother in "A Christmas Story". We would look for breaks in the clouds for the moon to peek out, and watch the rabbits and squirrels bound across the field as we approached, and talk about making hot cocoa when we got back home.
And all you would hear in the still air would be our voices carrying across the stretch of land, and the munch of snow beneath our feet....

But I have promises to keep
But I must go party politely in my satin and velvet, to connect with and warm up my coworkers, help them relax and enjoy themselves, let them talk my ear off, if they like; hoping they'll go away tonight feeling warm and liked, maybe even loved, inside.
That's my one shining hope.

Renegade Bard
I am not proficient in the code of poetry. My poetry follows lawless paths, odd ways, and I let it be its own wild-child self.
When the rather-rare occasion happens, and one fits itself insidiously into my mind from out of nowhere, I have to write it down, as I find it.

My apologies for that~ but I hope you can try to enjoy the erratic rhythm of my soul's voice as it captures the words from the air! ~

Sometimes I get breathless
Sometimes I get breathless
In this love.

A love like the sky
So big and bold
And swallowing me whole
Without a struggle.
It comes from nowhere
And feeds me whole
And I lay down
With ease
By still waters shining
In cascading light.
My soul feeds on this.

Sometimes I get breathless
In this surprising love.

And I feel like forty fools
In one~
I wonder at
The big blue sky
Soaring over me
Without a care,
I wonder how I got here?

I get quite breathless
In this abiding love.

It mixes in
And spreads around
And other people
Can touch this ground
And I wonder why
I ever wondered.

And yet, I am expanding
In this amazing love.

Nonstop wisdom from Bro. Lawrence
"...when [Bro Lawrence] had business to do, he did not think of it beforehand; but when it was time to do it God showed him, as in a mirror, how it should be done."

I've been trying this, and am getting completely addicted to it, fast! It really works well.
I wish I would think to let Him guide me that way, all the time, before doing absolutely everything!
He makes things work so smoothly.

* * *

Random daydream:
I dream of eating in a fine old restaurant, a quiet place with polished wood and heavy white linen tablecloths.
Seated next to a big window overlooking a lovely view, with a doting waiter fussing over my comforts.
("Would you care to try our Swiss cocoa on such a wintery day, ma'am? I assure you, it's a delightful experience~ we've chosen the finest we could find in the world.")
Doting on me not because of snob appeal, but because my demeanor reminds him of the old, sepia photos of his sainted grandmother, when she was younger; photos still treasured by an elegant, aging grandson who has seen much of the world, but still cherishes memories of his warm and wonderful grandmother.

(Wouldn't that be wonderful, to be so loving a person, it shows instantly?)

Fresh floral arrangements are everywhere~ those big, exuberant ones that you see in movies like "Age of Innocence" and (thanks to Julie Andrews' insistence) in "Princess Diaries 2".

It's snowing out the restaurant window~ calm, tranquil white flakes shimmering down in the dove grey light. The light surrounding me is diffuse, a luminous, serene white pouring onto my skin.
So beautiful, it hardly matters what I'm eating.
But of course, it would be a sinfully rich chocolate dessert I've never had before, and am enjoying thoroughly, the scent of flowers and chocolate and that sublime presence, the mineral almost-smell of snow~ all mingled to a heady perfume in the air.....

(This daydream was inspired by the charming reunion scene in "A Man and a Woman: 20 Years Later".)

"I'm Jealous of the Moon"
As I drove to work this morning, the full moon was ahead of me, descending from the night in unhurried dignity, a lingering romance for us to enjoy; perfectly round, with that sort of perfection you often see in the sun's shape, when its fire is dimmed enough for us to look directly at it, in all its beauty.
It is a perfection rarely seen on the earth; it seems like a gift, to me.


(ok, youtube is choking on my blogcode, and won't let me post the video,
so go here)

Heart as brain
The heart, when left to its own pure devices and its own innate inclination, is the most intelligent part of us. When I put something before God that is being an obstacle between Him and me, it is my heart He speaks to; giving me the understanding that leads me to allow the dismantling of the obstacle~ which brings me that much closer to the unity with God I crave.

Sapphire glow
The sky this morning on my way to work was still packed with grey clouds, only today it was all tinted in sapphire~ that dark, bright blue that often happens when twilight falls. Who can resist that kind of invitation to adore the Maker of it all?

I'm beginning to understand why birds chatter back the glory to God when they wake up in the first morning light, and when they get ready to sleep, at day's end. One would think the cold, sleeping while holding on to a bare branch with their little claws (!), the dangers all around them would make birds somber creatures with balance sheets in front of them~ but no, they're yelling their heads off for joy at the start and finish of each day, out of their minds with the sheer jubilation of life.

Clearly, a lesson in faith, gratitude, and enjoying the moment to its fullest.

Mist ascending
When I first began to learn of the God I was to serve, as a child in church and a Christian household, I was kind of freaked out to hear Him described as Spirit.
That was very uncomfortable for my mind to grasp onto~ I liked physical things, solid things with visuals to 'em!
None of this smoke and mist and fog and cloud and not-even smoke or mist or fog or cloud, for me! I wanted a God I could see; one I could comprehend.
So, I did what I had to do~ I started where I was. Picturing God as an Item, a definite Shape, and later a Shape-shifter. God had an image, so I could see what I was looking at. That's the way I liked thinking about Him, and when I saw small representations of Him in my head, I knew He was more than any of it; more, in fact, than all of anything in His creation. But this was my way of coping with the overwhelming introduction to the alluring, perplexing, mysterious God.

As I learn more about Him and grow comfortable spending time with Him, well, you learn some things along the way. The mind expands to accommodate a little more of what can't be completely understood~ but oh, how I yearn to grasp it!
My very cells begin to know more about pure, firey-sweet Love; an ocean of it is ready to flow through me constantly, if I only accept and allow it, want it to, with all my being; and my mind can finally see boundless, limitless Spirit as a better way for God to be than a finite, visually static image with borders to it.
He covers and embeds and supports everything in Creation.
There are no limitations to deal with, when dealing with God.